pag-usapan natin ang kuko. ang kuko daw ay tulad ng buhok, they are made up of dead cells, kaya di tayo nasasaktan kapag ginugupit sila. natanong mo na ba kung bakit meron tayo kuko? syempre para kumita yung caronia at yung parlor dyan sa tabi. (insert caronia song) chika lang. meron daw pinoprotect na soft tissues yung mga kuko, tapos it enhances the sensitivity of our fingertips. ewan ko kung san ko nga ba nabasa. tapos sabi nung wikipedia ito daw ang basic parts ng kuko:nail plate, nail groove, lunula,eponychium at meron pa nga daw nail matrix. sabi?
so ayun, laging mahaba ang kuko ko. una nga, gaya ng nasabi ko dati, sign of rebellion ito. pinapudpod nga kasi nung high school, pangalawa, have you ever noticed how small my hands are? di ako magtataka kapag may lalapit sa kin ngayon at sasabihing patingin ng kamay mo. kaya ko pinapahaba yung kuko ko para kunwari may extension kahit paano. for me, long nails works for my hand just like a 3 or 4 inch high heeled shoe would work for your height. walang pakialaman, kanyang kanyang opinyon.
nung nagstart akong magpahaba ng kuko, lagi silang nababali. masyado kasi silang malambot nun. later on nung nasanay na silang mahaba, ayan tumibay naman sila. may myth pa nga dati sabi ni cookie, yung classmate ko nung college, mapapatibay daw sila ng bawang at suka at kung anu-ano pa. di ko naman sinubukan. adobo?
usually, hinahayaan ko lang ang kuko ko sa natural nilang kulay. kung ano lang ang itsura nila, bahala sila. pero minsan pag gusto kong maging maarte-- ay mali matagal na pala akong maarte. sige pag ibang level ang arte ko kinukulayan ko sila. siguro dalawa o tatlong beses pa lang ako nakapagpamanicure sa manikurista. maarte kasi ako.given na. baka masugatan nya ko o kung anuman.so madalas ako ang nagkukulay ng kuko ko pero hindi ibig sabihin magaling ako.
yung kapatid ko ay ipinangak para maging kikay. pramis, kung anong arte ko, mga 10x siguro sya. high school pa lang nagmemake up na yun. kung makabili ng damit at accessories, parang may department store tapos di naman nagagamit. tapos ayun, trip niyang mangolekta ng nail polish. as in pati yung mga kulay na ikakasore eyes mo,may neon pink, neon orange, neon green. kulang na nga lang glow in the dark.
eh pakialamera at mahadera akong ate so nakikialam ako ng gamit nya. at pag trip ko, pinapakialam ko yung mga nail polish nya. unfortunately, di ko keri maging second career ang pagiging manikurista. kailangan kasi dun ng kakaibang manual dextrity saka hand and eye coordination. spell?
siguro nga di ako mahilig sa art class nung bata pa ko, kasi hanggang ngayon lagpas lagpas ako maglagay ng nail polish. at isa pa, kapag sa kanang kamay na yung lalagyan ko, wala na para na syang art project ng 6 yrs old. the curse of being right handed. chos.. pero alam nyo ba, i am actually right-brained so dapat left-handed ako? hindi nyo alam? sige wag na, sa ibang araw na lang.
tapos minsan naman kapag nakakatsamba, as in may times na may madaling ipahid na nail polish, maganda naman ang resulta, kaso ang dali naman nyang masira. maghugas lang ako ng kamay, ubos na sila. ewan ko lang kung oa ako maghugas ng kamay or sadyang ayaw lang kumapit ng kulay sa kuko ko.
madami na kong nasubukang kulay pero favorite ko yung french tip sa lahat. bakit? ang ganda nya lang kasi, ang classic, ang linis, ang arte arte. medyo mas madali sya sa kin, kasi di mo lalagyan yung buong kuko. yung dulo lang. kaso nga madali lang din masira. 2 hrs lang ang life span nya sa kin. life span daw? may buhay?
sa ngayon yung kuko ko, colorless nail polish with blue glitters. actually, may stars to eh. kaso nalaglag na sila. falling stars. di ko lang namalayan basta nakita ko, ayun wala na sila. sayang gusto ko pa naman makiuso sa decoration namin sa office. wala kasing masyadong ginagawa kahapon kaya ayun, nakapagkulay na lang ako ng kuko. minsan nga makapagdala na lang din ng straigtening/curling iron, tutal may malapit na saksakan dito sa station ko. tapos minsan mapag-aralan nga ang maglagay ng eyeshadow. dito talaga sa office. parlor ito, ramp-down kasi. ;)
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
30-Day Challenge Day 12
it's been a while but here's my new post
every time someone dies, i always ask myself what if it was me because really it could have been me. death is just around the corner for all of us, kaloka mang isipin yun naman ang totoo.
your death was untimely. sa isang iglap bigla ka na lang kinuha. naisip ko nga, is it true that before someone dies his life flashes back like a motion picture. tapos naisip ko, what were your last thoughts? naalala mo kaya kami?
when i found out, ayun ako mamadaling makapasok sa office. RDOT kasi. ang dami kong natanggap na text. kala ko naman dami atang nagmamahal sa kin tonight. i was expecting a text from my TL saying that rdot will be cancelled. hehehe. yun pala lahat galing sa mga kaklase natin. ray was killed today, sabi. nagulat lang ako. parang gusto kong maiyak, pero dahil wala na kong oras para mag-emote, umalis na ko ng bahay.
habang nasa byahe, iniisip ko yung mga natanggap kong text. trying to grasp the reality in them. wala ka na daw, you that i have known for half my life. shocked lang ako. and then i realized how big of an influence you are to me.
naisip ko din yung huli tayong magkita. last year yun, 23rd birthday ko. eh malay ko ba namang huling beses na yung makikita kitang buhay. ikaw lang yung ininvite ko kahit classmate din natin yung kambal mong si roy, eh kasi naman naiirita ako sa kanya. ano bang part ng ayoko sa kanya ang di nya magets? ayun tuloy lahat ng high school reunion di ako maka-attend dahil nahaharass ako sa kanya. buti pa ikaw, isang taas lang ng kilay ko natahimik ka na, kaya nga friends pa rin tayo. eh naalala ko ginawa mo ngang apple yung lemon wedges nung party ko samantalang sobrang asim nun. dun ka nga nalasing eh.
nakarating na ko sa mrt nung parang unti-unting nagsisink in sa kin yung mensaheng napatay ka earlier that day. nakausap ko sa phone si best na close din sa yo. umiiyak sya. maluha-luha lang ako pero dahil di ko keri yung umiiyak sa pampublikong lugar at gumawa ng eksena pinigilan ko na lang. may katagalan dumating yung tren. so binigyan nya ko ng oras para isipin ka. nung mga nakaraang araw, madalas kitang maalala for no reason at all. naglalakad ako from office to rob nung maalala ko yung comment mo sa buhok ko a few years back. tapos natignan ko yung isa mong album sa fb, sabi ko di ko na kayo mamukhaan sa picture ni roy. di ko na madistinguish ang pinagkaiba nyo. nun ko naisip na kailangan ata kitang kumustahin. pero dahil busy lagi, di ko nagawa. laging bukas na nga lang, may OT pa mamaya. eh di ko na pala magagawa yun uli ever.
huling nagkausap tayo nun sa text bago yung 25th bday mo. naginvite ka kasi sa party mo. kaso di ako nakarating. una dahil may pasok ako; pangalawa dahil bday din yun ng kakambal mo, eh pinagtataguan ko nga kasi sya dahil tuwing makikita nya na lang ako, pacute sya ng pacute na parang di naman normal. we practically grew up together kaya nawirduhan ako sa inyong dalawa nung bigla na lang kayo nagtangkang manligaw. wala akong ibang nasabihan nung attempt nyo (in different ways, at different times) maliban sa mga sobrang close ko lang na kailangan kong paliwanag kung bakit ako absent sa mga meet-ups.
narealize ko nung moment na yun while waiting for the train, dami ko palang mga kaibigang di nakakausap o nakukumusta man lang. so i sent them all a text message while waiting for the train. it goes something like:
"guys, i lost a friend today. He was killed in a bank robbery with 2 others. Known him since high school. I've been meaning to ask him how he was but i never got around doing it. Life is indeed very short and uncertain. Made me realize that we shouldn't be putting off important thing just because of small ones. So i just wanted to ask kumusta kayo?" i got a lot of replies. most of them extending condolences. minsan pala kahit di mo na nakakausap madalas yung mga kaibigan mo, pag nagdrama ka ng kaunti, bilis nila magreact. natuwa naman ako dun.
pagdating ko nun sa office, may sira yung system so ang ending, napauwi na lang ako. sabi nga ni jyse,"the system is unstable. it's going up and down, so you're going home." tawanan na lang kami. kasabay ko pag-uwi yung officemate kong si glenn, yung minamatchmake ko dun sa isa ko pang officemate na si tiny. tahimik yun pero dahil sa daldal ko, nagsasalita naman sya so wala ka muna sa isip ko. nung makauwi ako, di pa rin ako naiiyak eh, siguro kasi di ko pa alam kung maniniwala ako sa balita. sabi ko, siguro pag nakita na kita sa kabaong, maiiyak na lang ako.
pagdating ko sa bahay bago matulog at magpatay ng ilaw, sabi ko utang na loob, wag ka papakita sa kin, ray. ayoko ng mga horror movie na eksena kaya wag mo talagang susubukan. even though di ka nagpakita, nalaman kong nakaimprint naman pala sa utak ko yung ngisi mo saka ung boses mo, yun kasi yung pinakapinagkaiba nyo ng kambal mo.
the next day, i had a family event to attend. binyag nung anak ng pinsan ko at kinuha nya kong ninang. out of town yung binyag, i.e. fairview. pero dahil malakas ka sa kin, umuwi na lang ako ng maaga para makarating ako sa burol mo. galing mo ha. ang lakas mo sa ming lahat. yung mga taong matagal na di nagkikita-kita napagtagpo mo dahil sa pagkamatay mo. erika was there. to hell with tomorrow's issue of Phil Daily Inquirer, umabsent sa trabaho just to see you. maski ako who wouldn't see you on a normal circumstance andun. sabi ko nga kay best, kung di ka namatay, kung birthday halimbawa ang okasyon, malamang wala ako dun.
syempre, iwas na iwas pa rin ako sa kakambal mo. eh pagdating ko pa lang nagpapansin na naman sa kin. may nalalaman pang halika introduce kita sa friends ko. parang tanga di ba. samantalang yung iba nating classmate di naman nya pinakilala. ayun ganun pa rin naman sya. joke pa rin ng joke. siguro napagod na kakaiyak. nung una nga ayoko pang lumapit sa kabaong mo, pero tinakot lang kami ni roy kaya napasilip na kami ni best at ni abby. remember abby? matagal nang di nagpapakita yan sa tin. every 2 years nga lang kami magkita nyan maski na super close kami. imagine, napapunta mo sya nung araw na yun.
looking at you inside that casket was surreal. you did gain weight since i last saw you, but it was really like looking at another person in there, a stranger that i have seen for the first time. si best kinilabutan. umalis kami agad pagkasilip namin sa yo. ako naman i was half expecting that it was all a dream, that anytime you would walk up to us and tell us sino ba yang sinisilip nyo dyan. not that i wanted to see a ghost, but i wanted to see you alive.
bigat kasi sa pakiramdam. nabawasan na naman tayo. 5 years ago, it was quesan. ngayon ikaw naman. nagjojoke na nga lang yung mga classmate natin para wag nang mag-iyakan. well, actually di naman ako naiiyak. i know i feel bad about you dying all of a sudden, pero di ako makaiyak nung luhaan talaga. as in yung level na hagulgo, as in best actress level.
nagkwentuhan kami nun. narinig mo ba? ingay namin dun eh. it's surprising how much memories of you i keep. ikaw nga pala yung nagturo sa kin magdrawing ng matinong cube gamit lang ang gilid ng id card, ikaw nga rin pala yung first dance ko sa junior prom, saka binigay mo rin pala sa kin yung cap mo para sa CAT, which i lost sa Pangasinan some 5 years ago, sorry ha. Naiwan ko sa bus.
Saka napaiyak mo na rin ako noon. Di mo alam yun no. Eh kasi di ko naman sinabi sa yo, kasi di ko alam kung paano maliban pa sa hindi ko maintindihan. Eh ang dami ko ngang naisulat dahil dyan. Ikaw ang original na may-ari nung brown eyes sa sinulat kong short story. Yung nasa blog ko, medyo edited/revised na yun eh, kasi parang masyado syang pambata kaya binago ko yung ibang details. I wrote a novelette about you also. Nawala ko na nga lang yung kopya or baka andun lang sa bahay kasama ng journal ko nung high school na maraming entry tungkol sa yo. The novelette was about high school friends meeting after a long time. I never told anybody na ikaw si Carl or Carlos (di ko na maalala yung pangalan basta sounds like), yung main protagonist na civil engineer. eh kasi gusto mong maging engineer nun eh. ewan ko nga sa yo kung paano ka napunta sa bangko na magiging dahilan pala kung bakit maaga mo kaming iiwan. yun nga palang HR dun dati, si raini, college friend ko yun. naalala ka nya. nagulat din daw sya sa balita. malakas daw loob mo eh na required talaga sa trabahong yan.
ayan, natatawa tuloy ako sa sarili ko. dami kong kacornyhan. later on ko narealize, yun pala ang tinatawag na puppy love. ewan ko. basta close kasi tayo nun, ikaw, ako, si best, si roy, si hans, si abby. lahat na lang ng project groupmates tayo. kuya nga tawag namin sa yo ni best eh. and then one day, something felt strange. maybe it was the combat boots or the beret, saka yung init ng araw. saka yung singkit mong mata. all the right elements, the right lighting, ganun. and then it was all confusion and worry. ayan natatawa na naman ako. drama ko na naman.
well, hindi mo alam yun. di ko nga kasi sinabi. mabuti na lang kasi walang friction. we remained friends. actually nobody knew about it. nasabi ko kay best graduate na ata ako ng college.dami ko lang drama eh. i lived with the pain until it went away. pero alam mo, natuwa naman ako nung pinadalhan mo ko ng christmas card kahit november pa lang nung first christmas after natin grumaduate from high school. siguro nga namiss mo ko nun no. kasi wala akong nilagay na phone number dun sa lahat ng slumbook na sinagutan natin bago grumaduate at address lang din yung nasa yearbook. yun lang siguro ang naisip mong paraan para makumusta ako. di ko nga alam kung san na ba napunta yun eh. talagang musical pa yung card na yun pero malamang wala na syang baterya sa panahong ito. walong taon na kasi ang lumipas mula nun.kung alam mo lang nanginginig ako nung tinawagan kita, nilagay mo kasi yung phone number nyo dun sa card mo at talagang may instructions ka pang tawagan kita. eh madali akong kausap, kaya tumawag nga ko.after naman nun uso na ang friendster eh at marami na ring cellphone, so di na rin masyadong kailangan ng telepono.
oo nga pala, naalala mo yung dark knight. niyaya kitang manood nun dati eh. kaso lang sadyang mainipin ako at late ka na dumating, kaya sabi ko na lang sa yo umuwi na ko kahit andun na ko sa loob ng sinehan. sama lang ng ugali ko no, pero di ka naman nagalit, kasi alam mong late na late ka na. nakalahati ko na kasi yung movie. nung minsan ngang magkita tayo sabi mo sa kin, may utang akong movie sa yo. sabi ko wala na pinanood ko na iba kasama ko. and that was the guy i dated. unfortunately, di ko na mababayaran yang utang na yan.
pag-uwi ko galing sa lamay mo, dun ako napaiyak ng saglit. mag-isa kasi ako sa jeep tapos tumutugtog lang yung can't cry hard enough sa utak ko. same song that made me cry when quesan died. arte ko talaga eh, may musical scoring pa. pero saglit lang, kasi dumami na yung tao sa jeep, so ayoko na umiyak. di naman nila ko bibigyan ng talent fee kahit manood sila sa pagdadrama ko. di ko rin naman gusto ng best actress award that time.
up to now, it still feels weird thinking that you're gone. last saturday, huling lamay mo. di ako nakapunta because it was a matter of life and death. party o lamay? i chose party, ano pa. but the reality is i really still couldn't accept that you're gone. saka mag-iiyakan lang kami sa nercrological service mo, so sila na lang. mamamaga lang yung mata ko. enough na kaya yung lahat ng iniyak ko para sa yo nung 15 yrs old ako. masaya sa party kahit na ininjan ako ng batchmates ko. ayan nakilala ko na sa tunay na buhay yung mga ka-twitter ko tapos nakipanood pa ko ng project runway dun kina red. di mo sila kilala malamang eh di nga tayo nakakapag-usap. sana man lang naikwento ko sila sa yo no.
di ko na maalala kung kelan ka nagsimulang magpakita ng interes sa kin. basta naalala ko na lang nagtatago na ko sa inyong magkapatid. that's the funniest thing ever. pareho kong classmate, kambal pa. actually, sali mo pa yung bestfriend ni roy na nameet nya nung college. ano nga pangalan nun, yung nasa singapore. ah, shanty. dapat feeling ko haba ng hair ko pero hindi, ang naging reaksyon ko, wag magpakita sa inyo. i'm just not used to that kind of attention coming from you.
eh nung high school nga sabi mo magpacrew cut ako. and yes, i remember kasalanan mo rin kung bakit mahaba ang kuko ko ngayon. it's a sign of rebellion. naalala mo yung CAT days, na dapat pudpod yung kuko. pagkagraduate ng high school, i always kept my nails long. ayan nga pag tinitignan ko ngayon, naaalala kita.
so ayun kunwari na lang i don't care about you. daig ko pa yung walang visa. tago na lang ako nang tago. pero alam mo ang bait ko nga sa yo, kasi ikaw hindi nakablock sa fb at nagtetext pa ko sa yo. sabagay mas mabait ka naman talaga kay roy. nakakaharass yun eh. parang manyak na di mo maintindihan. feeling gwapo na wala sa lugar, parang pinaparating nya sa kin it's my loss. itsura nya.
ilang beses ko ding nasabi, kung nanligaw ka sa kin when I was 18, i would have considered. eh kaso 21 na ko nun eh. 3 years kang late. ayoko pa naman ng nalelate. it was the time i was seeing someone. walang hiyang yun, pinaiyak lang naman ako. lakas ng loob magbago ng isip. actually madalas ko pa rin maalala yung sira ulong yun eh, pero alam mo nung namatay ka, bigla ko lang narealize, masyado ba kong napako dun sa kabiguan ko sa kanya na hindi ko na nakikita yung mga taong talagang nagpapahalaga sa kin. therefore, wag ko na syang isipin because it's totally crazy to think about someone who doesn't even care.
natanong ko rin ang sarili ko, what if i was meant to end up with you? ang sagot ko, AYAW! i'd rather be alone. i don't want to be related to roy. pag nagkataon brother in law ko sya? oh di ba ang gulo. sobrang complicated lang, kaya wag na lang. saka we've been friends a long time, we're better off this way. pero naisipan kong magkatuluyan na lang kayo ni best, tutal naman magkasundo kayo eh. hinahatid mo pa nga sya sa bahay nila di ba. wag mo dedeny, di naman ako galit. natuwa nga ako eh. at least, yung atensyon mo sa iba napupunta and it's a plus that you are both important to me.
balak ko talagang pumunta nung libing mo. dalaw lang ako sandali, since may lakad din ako nung sunday. wag magulo, busy ang social calendar ko. birthday nung inaaanak ko. matagal na kasing nakaplano eh. kaso nalate ako ng gising dahil di ko narinig yung alarm ko. dami pa ngang missed call ni best. so di na rin ako nakarating. umiyak daw siya dun sa tula ni hans para sa yo. lam mo si hans, okay yan. yan yung isa sa mga straight guy friends ko na pwede akong sumamang lumabas na kaming dalawa lang kasi harmless lang nya, di ako mag-aalalang baka magkagusto ako sa kanya o kaya baka matsismis kami. kahit lagi mong inaaalaska yun, mabait na tao yun.
di ko pa rin nga pala madalaw yung puntod mo, kasi busy pa rin ako eh. pero utang na loob uli, wag mo kong pupuntahan.it's been a week since malibing ka. yung shock ko about your death is fading into the background. i don't feel like crying anymore. pero every time na iniisip ko, wala ka na parang nagdududa pa rin yung utak ko kung totoo ba talaga yun o masamang panaginip lang naming lahat. oh well, i'll get used to it. see you later, so much later. wag mo guluhin si quesan dyan ha, busy pa sya dun sa ginagawa nyang program.saka wag mong hiritan lahat ng andyan nag libre. mahiya ka naman
written for Ray Tingco
January 7, 1986-October 29,2011
every time someone dies, i always ask myself what if it was me because really it could have been me. death is just around the corner for all of us, kaloka mang isipin yun naman ang totoo.
your death was untimely. sa isang iglap bigla ka na lang kinuha. naisip ko nga, is it true that before someone dies his life flashes back like a motion picture. tapos naisip ko, what were your last thoughts? naalala mo kaya kami?
when i found out, ayun ako mamadaling makapasok sa office. RDOT kasi. ang dami kong natanggap na text. kala ko naman dami atang nagmamahal sa kin tonight. i was expecting a text from my TL saying that rdot will be cancelled. hehehe. yun pala lahat galing sa mga kaklase natin. ray was killed today, sabi. nagulat lang ako. parang gusto kong maiyak, pero dahil wala na kong oras para mag-emote, umalis na ko ng bahay.
habang nasa byahe, iniisip ko yung mga natanggap kong text. trying to grasp the reality in them. wala ka na daw, you that i have known for half my life. shocked lang ako. and then i realized how big of an influence you are to me.
naisip ko din yung huli tayong magkita. last year yun, 23rd birthday ko. eh malay ko ba namang huling beses na yung makikita kitang buhay. ikaw lang yung ininvite ko kahit classmate din natin yung kambal mong si roy, eh kasi naman naiirita ako sa kanya. ano bang part ng ayoko sa kanya ang di nya magets? ayun tuloy lahat ng high school reunion di ako maka-attend dahil nahaharass ako sa kanya. buti pa ikaw, isang taas lang ng kilay ko natahimik ka na, kaya nga friends pa rin tayo. eh naalala ko ginawa mo ngang apple yung lemon wedges nung party ko samantalang sobrang asim nun. dun ka nga nalasing eh.
nakarating na ko sa mrt nung parang unti-unting nagsisink in sa kin yung mensaheng napatay ka earlier that day. nakausap ko sa phone si best na close din sa yo. umiiyak sya. maluha-luha lang ako pero dahil di ko keri yung umiiyak sa pampublikong lugar at gumawa ng eksena pinigilan ko na lang. may katagalan dumating yung tren. so binigyan nya ko ng oras para isipin ka. nung mga nakaraang araw, madalas kitang maalala for no reason at all. naglalakad ako from office to rob nung maalala ko yung comment mo sa buhok ko a few years back. tapos natignan ko yung isa mong album sa fb, sabi ko di ko na kayo mamukhaan sa picture ni roy. di ko na madistinguish ang pinagkaiba nyo. nun ko naisip na kailangan ata kitang kumustahin. pero dahil busy lagi, di ko nagawa. laging bukas na nga lang, may OT pa mamaya. eh di ko na pala magagawa yun uli ever.
huling nagkausap tayo nun sa text bago yung 25th bday mo. naginvite ka kasi sa party mo. kaso di ako nakarating. una dahil may pasok ako; pangalawa dahil bday din yun ng kakambal mo, eh pinagtataguan ko nga kasi sya dahil tuwing makikita nya na lang ako, pacute sya ng pacute na parang di naman normal. we practically grew up together kaya nawirduhan ako sa inyong dalawa nung bigla na lang kayo nagtangkang manligaw. wala akong ibang nasabihan nung attempt nyo (in different ways, at different times) maliban sa mga sobrang close ko lang na kailangan kong paliwanag kung bakit ako absent sa mga meet-ups.
narealize ko nung moment na yun while waiting for the train, dami ko palang mga kaibigang di nakakausap o nakukumusta man lang. so i sent them all a text message while waiting for the train. it goes something like:
"guys, i lost a friend today. He was killed in a bank robbery with 2 others. Known him since high school. I've been meaning to ask him how he was but i never got around doing it. Life is indeed very short and uncertain. Made me realize that we shouldn't be putting off important thing just because of small ones. So i just wanted to ask kumusta kayo?" i got a lot of replies. most of them extending condolences. minsan pala kahit di mo na nakakausap madalas yung mga kaibigan mo, pag nagdrama ka ng kaunti, bilis nila magreact. natuwa naman ako dun.
pagdating ko nun sa office, may sira yung system so ang ending, napauwi na lang ako. sabi nga ni jyse,"the system is unstable. it's going up and down, so you're going home." tawanan na lang kami. kasabay ko pag-uwi yung officemate kong si glenn, yung minamatchmake ko dun sa isa ko pang officemate na si tiny. tahimik yun pero dahil sa daldal ko, nagsasalita naman sya so wala ka muna sa isip ko. nung makauwi ako, di pa rin ako naiiyak eh, siguro kasi di ko pa alam kung maniniwala ako sa balita. sabi ko, siguro pag nakita na kita sa kabaong, maiiyak na lang ako.
pagdating ko sa bahay bago matulog at magpatay ng ilaw, sabi ko utang na loob, wag ka papakita sa kin, ray. ayoko ng mga horror movie na eksena kaya wag mo talagang susubukan. even though di ka nagpakita, nalaman kong nakaimprint naman pala sa utak ko yung ngisi mo saka ung boses mo, yun kasi yung pinakapinagkaiba nyo ng kambal mo.
the next day, i had a family event to attend. binyag nung anak ng pinsan ko at kinuha nya kong ninang. out of town yung binyag, i.e. fairview. pero dahil malakas ka sa kin, umuwi na lang ako ng maaga para makarating ako sa burol mo. galing mo ha. ang lakas mo sa ming lahat. yung mga taong matagal na di nagkikita-kita napagtagpo mo dahil sa pagkamatay mo. erika was there. to hell with tomorrow's issue of Phil Daily Inquirer, umabsent sa trabaho just to see you. maski ako who wouldn't see you on a normal circumstance andun. sabi ko nga kay best, kung di ka namatay, kung birthday halimbawa ang okasyon, malamang wala ako dun.
syempre, iwas na iwas pa rin ako sa kakambal mo. eh pagdating ko pa lang nagpapansin na naman sa kin. may nalalaman pang halika introduce kita sa friends ko. parang tanga di ba. samantalang yung iba nating classmate di naman nya pinakilala. ayun ganun pa rin naman sya. joke pa rin ng joke. siguro napagod na kakaiyak. nung una nga ayoko pang lumapit sa kabaong mo, pero tinakot lang kami ni roy kaya napasilip na kami ni best at ni abby. remember abby? matagal nang di nagpapakita yan sa tin. every 2 years nga lang kami magkita nyan maski na super close kami. imagine, napapunta mo sya nung araw na yun.
looking at you inside that casket was surreal. you did gain weight since i last saw you, but it was really like looking at another person in there, a stranger that i have seen for the first time. si best kinilabutan. umalis kami agad pagkasilip namin sa yo. ako naman i was half expecting that it was all a dream, that anytime you would walk up to us and tell us sino ba yang sinisilip nyo dyan. not that i wanted to see a ghost, but i wanted to see you alive.
bigat kasi sa pakiramdam. nabawasan na naman tayo. 5 years ago, it was quesan. ngayon ikaw naman. nagjojoke na nga lang yung mga classmate natin para wag nang mag-iyakan. well, actually di naman ako naiiyak. i know i feel bad about you dying all of a sudden, pero di ako makaiyak nung luhaan talaga. as in yung level na hagulgo, as in best actress level.
nagkwentuhan kami nun. narinig mo ba? ingay namin dun eh. it's surprising how much memories of you i keep. ikaw nga pala yung nagturo sa kin magdrawing ng matinong cube gamit lang ang gilid ng id card, ikaw nga rin pala yung first dance ko sa junior prom, saka binigay mo rin pala sa kin yung cap mo para sa CAT, which i lost sa Pangasinan some 5 years ago, sorry ha. Naiwan ko sa bus.
Saka napaiyak mo na rin ako noon. Di mo alam yun no. Eh kasi di ko naman sinabi sa yo, kasi di ko alam kung paano maliban pa sa hindi ko maintindihan. Eh ang dami ko ngang naisulat dahil dyan. Ikaw ang original na may-ari nung brown eyes sa sinulat kong short story. Yung nasa blog ko, medyo edited/revised na yun eh, kasi parang masyado syang pambata kaya binago ko yung ibang details. I wrote a novelette about you also. Nawala ko na nga lang yung kopya or baka andun lang sa bahay kasama ng journal ko nung high school na maraming entry tungkol sa yo. The novelette was about high school friends meeting after a long time. I never told anybody na ikaw si Carl or Carlos (di ko na maalala yung pangalan basta sounds like), yung main protagonist na civil engineer. eh kasi gusto mong maging engineer nun eh. ewan ko nga sa yo kung paano ka napunta sa bangko na magiging dahilan pala kung bakit maaga mo kaming iiwan. yun nga palang HR dun dati, si raini, college friend ko yun. naalala ka nya. nagulat din daw sya sa balita. malakas daw loob mo eh na required talaga sa trabahong yan.
ayan, natatawa tuloy ako sa sarili ko. dami kong kacornyhan. later on ko narealize, yun pala ang tinatawag na puppy love. ewan ko. basta close kasi tayo nun, ikaw, ako, si best, si roy, si hans, si abby. lahat na lang ng project groupmates tayo. kuya nga tawag namin sa yo ni best eh. and then one day, something felt strange. maybe it was the combat boots or the beret, saka yung init ng araw. saka yung singkit mong mata. all the right elements, the right lighting, ganun. and then it was all confusion and worry. ayan natatawa na naman ako. drama ko na naman.
well, hindi mo alam yun. di ko nga kasi sinabi. mabuti na lang kasi walang friction. we remained friends. actually nobody knew about it. nasabi ko kay best graduate na ata ako ng college.dami ko lang drama eh. i lived with the pain until it went away. pero alam mo, natuwa naman ako nung pinadalhan mo ko ng christmas card kahit november pa lang nung first christmas after natin grumaduate from high school. siguro nga namiss mo ko nun no. kasi wala akong nilagay na phone number dun sa lahat ng slumbook na sinagutan natin bago grumaduate at address lang din yung nasa yearbook. yun lang siguro ang naisip mong paraan para makumusta ako. di ko nga alam kung san na ba napunta yun eh. talagang musical pa yung card na yun pero malamang wala na syang baterya sa panahong ito. walong taon na kasi ang lumipas mula nun.kung alam mo lang nanginginig ako nung tinawagan kita, nilagay mo kasi yung phone number nyo dun sa card mo at talagang may instructions ka pang tawagan kita. eh madali akong kausap, kaya tumawag nga ko.after naman nun uso na ang friendster eh at marami na ring cellphone, so di na rin masyadong kailangan ng telepono.
oo nga pala, naalala mo yung dark knight. niyaya kitang manood nun dati eh. kaso lang sadyang mainipin ako at late ka na dumating, kaya sabi ko na lang sa yo umuwi na ko kahit andun na ko sa loob ng sinehan. sama lang ng ugali ko no, pero di ka naman nagalit, kasi alam mong late na late ka na. nakalahati ko na kasi yung movie. nung minsan ngang magkita tayo sabi mo sa kin, may utang akong movie sa yo. sabi ko wala na pinanood ko na iba kasama ko. and that was the guy i dated. unfortunately, di ko na mababayaran yang utang na yan.
pag-uwi ko galing sa lamay mo, dun ako napaiyak ng saglit. mag-isa kasi ako sa jeep tapos tumutugtog lang yung can't cry hard enough sa utak ko. same song that made me cry when quesan died. arte ko talaga eh, may musical scoring pa. pero saglit lang, kasi dumami na yung tao sa jeep, so ayoko na umiyak. di naman nila ko bibigyan ng talent fee kahit manood sila sa pagdadrama ko. di ko rin naman gusto ng best actress award that time.
up to now, it still feels weird thinking that you're gone. last saturday, huling lamay mo. di ako nakapunta because it was a matter of life and death. party o lamay? i chose party, ano pa. but the reality is i really still couldn't accept that you're gone. saka mag-iiyakan lang kami sa nercrological service mo, so sila na lang. mamamaga lang yung mata ko. enough na kaya yung lahat ng iniyak ko para sa yo nung 15 yrs old ako. masaya sa party kahit na ininjan ako ng batchmates ko. ayan nakilala ko na sa tunay na buhay yung mga ka-twitter ko tapos nakipanood pa ko ng project runway dun kina red. di mo sila kilala malamang eh di nga tayo nakakapag-usap. sana man lang naikwento ko sila sa yo no.
di ko na maalala kung kelan ka nagsimulang magpakita ng interes sa kin. basta naalala ko na lang nagtatago na ko sa inyong magkapatid. that's the funniest thing ever. pareho kong classmate, kambal pa. actually, sali mo pa yung bestfriend ni roy na nameet nya nung college. ano nga pangalan nun, yung nasa singapore. ah, shanty. dapat feeling ko haba ng hair ko pero hindi, ang naging reaksyon ko, wag magpakita sa inyo. i'm just not used to that kind of attention coming from you.
eh nung high school nga sabi mo magpacrew cut ako. and yes, i remember kasalanan mo rin kung bakit mahaba ang kuko ko ngayon. it's a sign of rebellion. naalala mo yung CAT days, na dapat pudpod yung kuko. pagkagraduate ng high school, i always kept my nails long. ayan nga pag tinitignan ko ngayon, naaalala kita.
so ayun kunwari na lang i don't care about you. daig ko pa yung walang visa. tago na lang ako nang tago. pero alam mo ang bait ko nga sa yo, kasi ikaw hindi nakablock sa fb at nagtetext pa ko sa yo. sabagay mas mabait ka naman talaga kay roy. nakakaharass yun eh. parang manyak na di mo maintindihan. feeling gwapo na wala sa lugar, parang pinaparating nya sa kin it's my loss. itsura nya.
ilang beses ko ding nasabi, kung nanligaw ka sa kin when I was 18, i would have considered. eh kaso 21 na ko nun eh. 3 years kang late. ayoko pa naman ng nalelate. it was the time i was seeing someone. walang hiyang yun, pinaiyak lang naman ako. lakas ng loob magbago ng isip. actually madalas ko pa rin maalala yung sira ulong yun eh, pero alam mo nung namatay ka, bigla ko lang narealize, masyado ba kong napako dun sa kabiguan ko sa kanya na hindi ko na nakikita yung mga taong talagang nagpapahalaga sa kin. therefore, wag ko na syang isipin because it's totally crazy to think about someone who doesn't even care.
natanong ko rin ang sarili ko, what if i was meant to end up with you? ang sagot ko, AYAW! i'd rather be alone. i don't want to be related to roy. pag nagkataon brother in law ko sya? oh di ba ang gulo. sobrang complicated lang, kaya wag na lang. saka we've been friends a long time, we're better off this way. pero naisipan kong magkatuluyan na lang kayo ni best, tutal naman magkasundo kayo eh. hinahatid mo pa nga sya sa bahay nila di ba. wag mo dedeny, di naman ako galit. natuwa nga ako eh. at least, yung atensyon mo sa iba napupunta and it's a plus that you are both important to me.
balak ko talagang pumunta nung libing mo. dalaw lang ako sandali, since may lakad din ako nung sunday. wag magulo, busy ang social calendar ko. birthday nung inaaanak ko. matagal na kasing nakaplano eh. kaso nalate ako ng gising dahil di ko narinig yung alarm ko. dami pa ngang missed call ni best. so di na rin ako nakarating. umiyak daw siya dun sa tula ni hans para sa yo. lam mo si hans, okay yan. yan yung isa sa mga straight guy friends ko na pwede akong sumamang lumabas na kaming dalawa lang kasi harmless lang nya, di ako mag-aalalang baka magkagusto ako sa kanya o kaya baka matsismis kami. kahit lagi mong inaaalaska yun, mabait na tao yun.
di ko pa rin nga pala madalaw yung puntod mo, kasi busy pa rin ako eh. pero utang na loob uli, wag mo kong pupuntahan.it's been a week since malibing ka. yung shock ko about your death is fading into the background. i don't feel like crying anymore. pero every time na iniisip ko, wala ka na parang nagdududa pa rin yung utak ko kung totoo ba talaga yun o masamang panaginip lang naming lahat. oh well, i'll get used to it. see you later, so much later. wag mo guluhin si quesan dyan ha, busy pa sya dun sa ginagawa nyang program.saka wag mong hiritan lahat ng andyan nag libre. mahiya ka naman
written for Ray Tingco
January 7, 1986-October 29,2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
30-day challenge day 11
medyo matagal din akong walang naisusulat dito ah. yung kasing talent ko sa pagsulat nagbakasyon lang sandali. talent daw eh. napapagod na daw sya. saka trip ko lang magluksa at magmuni-muni. pero dahil aabutan na ko ni red uy, sulat na nga uli.
anyway, today is sept 20th. happy anniversary batch 11. akalain mo yun, isang taon na pala kaming naglolokohan ng mga batchmates ko. parang wala nang balak maisakatuparan yung batch party natin ah.
isang taon na mula nang lisanin ko ang isang lugar kung san di na ko masaya sa ginagawa ko at halos kaladkarin ko na lang yung sarili ko pagpasok. araw-araw akong nakasimangot dun at pakiramdam ko namamatay na yung brain cells ko sa araw araw na pagbabalanse ng journal, pagsagot ng telepono, pagprint, pag-file. mga ganun. bukod pa yun sa unfair ang TL ko dun. may pinapaborito. arte ng arte di ko naman kasing ganda. chika lang. anyway, sabi ko nga, at least ang pagkatao ko ay di nabibili ng mumurahing cake gaya nya. pero kung cheesecake, pwede na. o, maniwala.
ilang panahon na rin akong sawa sa trabaho ko sa bangko. ginawa ko na ngang best friend si Lina ng Jobstreet. lahat na ng bangko na-applyan ko bdo, bpi, psbank, anz, metrobank, hsbc kaso may kabagalan sila magproseso. sinubukan ko nga din yung iba pang kumpanya, ibm, sykes, accenture. lahat sila di ako pinansin. well, positive naman yung sykes, pero yung starting dun, mas mababa pa sa starting ko sa bangko. pati nga yung pagtuturo ng english sa mga japs at korean muntik kong patulan kaya lang medyo malayo yung "office" nila at di ako maka-attend ng interview. ayaw magre-sched. eh di wag
yung application ko sa ciq masasabi kong nagkataon lang. financial transcriptionist kasi yung posisyon kaya naiconnect ko na lang na sa bangko ako galing. oo basta may numero, gora na yan.saka may nag-refer kasi sa kin na dati kong officemate na umalis dahil na-insekta na sya sa trabaho sa bangko. kolekta kasi ng kolekta. pinagdasal ko talagang makuha tong trabaho na to or hiniling ko ng bongga or inasam, ganun. eh kasi iba yung mga paniniwala ko sa Diyos, sa religion, so parang di tamang sabihing pinagdasal ko. basta, i just wanted to leave my previous job so badly, as in kapag di ako nakakuha ng bagong trabaho, pagdating ng dec 2010, magreresign ako kahit wala akong lilipatan. dun na lang ako sa bahay, tagalinis, tagaluto, taga-alaga ng aso, tagahatid sa school ng kapatid ko. pahinga kumbaga. pagkakuha ko pa lang kasi ng final grades ko, nagtrabaho na ko agad, so basically di ko naranasan ang buhay tambay after graduation. swerte lang din siguro.
september 20, 2010. yung unang araw ko sa ciq. sabi ko sa sarili ko, ayan new beginning. excited ako sa mga gagawin. ano kayang bago kong matututunan sa trabahong ito? ayun, una kong nakilala si jane. tinanong ko siya, batch 11 ka di ba? tapos nun kwentuhan galore na kami tapos dumating si girlie. si mimi naaalala ko nagcecellphone. 22 kami lahat sa batch eh. sa ngayon, 19 na lang, pero madami pa rin yun ah kasi kami daw yung pinakamadaming editors. orientation yung first day. tapos biglang isang taon na pala ang nakalipas. noong una natatakot pa ko, papasa kaya ako sa basic training? ibang iba kasi to sa dati kong ginagawa. ibang skill set yung kailangan kong idevelop. dito walang journal, walang balancing, walang cut-off na alas dos.
sabi nung mga dati kong katrabaho, mabilis daw ako makapick up dun sa bangko. tipong bored na ko agad sa kadadaldal nila pag nagtetrain kami, ayoko ng paulit-ulit na sinasabi o nilelecture. tsaka di ako masyadong matanong. tipong inaagaw ko na agad sa kanila yung trabahong dinedemo nila sa kin tapos ako na gagawa. may kasamang, "oo gets ko na, tawagin na lang kita pag may problema." dati kaya kong i-backup ang trabaho ng 2 additional na tao bukod sa trabaho ko, madalas kasi sila magkasakit dun eh. ewan ko nga dun sa dating team ko, lagi na lang merong surgery at maternity leave. kaya rin siguro ako napagod at nagsawa. wala nang challenge. pati yung mga australian na dati nakakanose bleed kausap, sila na nagnonose bleed sa kin. charing. tapos yung sweldo dun, hay kakairita. 3 taon ako dun ha. at grabe ang binibigay na increase. kulang pa pambayad ng cellphone bill. at di ganun kamahalan yung plan ko. mas malaki pa nga magload ung ibang taong kilala ko.
eh dito kaya sa bagong trabaho? sa simula, feeling ko lagi akong naiiwan ng mga kasama ko. nung una pakiramdam ko, ang galing naman nila. shonga ko naman ata di ko magets. tipong bottom of the food chain..... teka parang maling analogy. pero basta lagi akong nagtatanong aabot ba ko ng Pasko dito? may trabaho pa kaya ako pagkatapos ng basic training? mga ganung klaseng takot. mga ganung klaseng doubts. sa kabutihang palad, nakapasa naman ako. minsan, motivation ko yang mga ganyang bagay. yung tipong feeling ko di ako magaling kaya mas magiging matyaga ako. siguro nga totoo, i work better under pressure. para akong anglar fish, na kapag tinanggal mo sa ilalim ng dagat, bigla na lang sya sasabog kasi wala yung pressure na kinasanayan niya. nagbunga naman ata yung pagtyatyaga ko. eto nakakaisang taon na ko. may improvement naman.
so far masaya ako. everyday is a challenge. gamit na gamit yung brain cells ko. sige intindihin natin ang mga indiano, brazilian, norwegian, spanish, atbp na nag-uusap ng cancer research, ng bangko, ng publishing, ng electronics. pero pag dumadating yung sweldo, di ako naiimbyerna. At ang pinakamasaya dito, paperless. walang kailangang i-punch, i-fasten, i-envelope, i-label, ikahon at i-offsite. environment-friendly. isa sa mga naging problema ko yan sa bangko. tinatambak ko yung files ko, tapos aayusin ko lang pag month-end. minsan nga every quarter pa eh, pag may audit lang. eh ayun nakakaloka i-organize. hindi isang beses lang akong nawalan ng mga papeles dun.
isa siguro sa mga pinakamagandang nangyari sa kin nung magtrabaho ako sa ciq, natuto akong mag-adjust sa mga pagbabago. mas malayo ang ortigas kesa makati sa bahay namin, kaya ayan natuto ako mag-mrt. claustrophobic pa rin ako, pero kailangan eh, kesa naman malate ako ng bonggang bongga. adjust din sa schedule. first time ko magtrabaho ng graveyard. sa una nakakaloka, katakot kaya umalis ng gabi. pero eto sanay na ko. bumilis din ako maglakad kasi baka mamaya may mga nakasunod na snatcher, holdaper, stalker. wala ni-rhyme ko lang.
isa pa, according to my friends, eh nagmature daw ako. siguro nga totoo. sa dati ko kasing trabaho, pinakabata ako nung magsimula ako. bunso nila ko dun kaya dalas kong magtantrums. pramis as in dabog kung dabog at kapag galit ako, maghapon akong di magsasalita. saka pag di kita gusto, sorry ka. dito mas nakasmile ako. mas masaya kapag wala kang kaaway. yung tipong deadmatology. kung may maarte o mayabang o masama ang ugali, deadma lang lalo na kung wala namang ginagawa sa kin. problemahin ko pa ba sila? para namang matatakpan yung butas ng ozone layer kapag ininis ko yung sarili ko sa kanila. saka mas masaya pag madaming bagong friends di ba. isa na dyan ang nagconvince sa kin buhayin yung blog ko. ikaw talaga yan, red. nakakapressure ka.
anyway, today is sept 20th. happy anniversary batch 11. akalain mo yun, isang taon na pala kaming naglolokohan ng mga batchmates ko. parang wala nang balak maisakatuparan yung batch party natin ah.
isang taon na mula nang lisanin ko ang isang lugar kung san di na ko masaya sa ginagawa ko at halos kaladkarin ko na lang yung sarili ko pagpasok. araw-araw akong nakasimangot dun at pakiramdam ko namamatay na yung brain cells ko sa araw araw na pagbabalanse ng journal, pagsagot ng telepono, pagprint, pag-file. mga ganun. bukod pa yun sa unfair ang TL ko dun. may pinapaborito. arte ng arte di ko naman kasing ganda. chika lang. anyway, sabi ko nga, at least ang pagkatao ko ay di nabibili ng mumurahing cake gaya nya. pero kung cheesecake, pwede na. o, maniwala.
ilang panahon na rin akong sawa sa trabaho ko sa bangko. ginawa ko na ngang best friend si Lina ng Jobstreet. lahat na ng bangko na-applyan ko bdo, bpi, psbank, anz, metrobank, hsbc kaso may kabagalan sila magproseso. sinubukan ko nga din yung iba pang kumpanya, ibm, sykes, accenture. lahat sila di ako pinansin. well, positive naman yung sykes, pero yung starting dun, mas mababa pa sa starting ko sa bangko. pati nga yung pagtuturo ng english sa mga japs at korean muntik kong patulan kaya lang medyo malayo yung "office" nila at di ako maka-attend ng interview. ayaw magre-sched. eh di wag
yung application ko sa ciq masasabi kong nagkataon lang. financial transcriptionist kasi yung posisyon kaya naiconnect ko na lang na sa bangko ako galing. oo basta may numero, gora na yan.saka may nag-refer kasi sa kin na dati kong officemate na umalis dahil na-insekta na sya sa trabaho sa bangko. kolekta kasi ng kolekta. pinagdasal ko talagang makuha tong trabaho na to or hiniling ko ng bongga or inasam, ganun. eh kasi iba yung mga paniniwala ko sa Diyos, sa religion, so parang di tamang sabihing pinagdasal ko. basta, i just wanted to leave my previous job so badly, as in kapag di ako nakakuha ng bagong trabaho, pagdating ng dec 2010, magreresign ako kahit wala akong lilipatan. dun na lang ako sa bahay, tagalinis, tagaluto, taga-alaga ng aso, tagahatid sa school ng kapatid ko. pahinga kumbaga. pagkakuha ko pa lang kasi ng final grades ko, nagtrabaho na ko agad, so basically di ko naranasan ang buhay tambay after graduation. swerte lang din siguro.
september 20, 2010. yung unang araw ko sa ciq. sabi ko sa sarili ko, ayan new beginning. excited ako sa mga gagawin. ano kayang bago kong matututunan sa trabahong ito? ayun, una kong nakilala si jane. tinanong ko siya, batch 11 ka di ba? tapos nun kwentuhan galore na kami tapos dumating si girlie. si mimi naaalala ko nagcecellphone. 22 kami lahat sa batch eh. sa ngayon, 19 na lang, pero madami pa rin yun ah kasi kami daw yung pinakamadaming editors. orientation yung first day. tapos biglang isang taon na pala ang nakalipas. noong una natatakot pa ko, papasa kaya ako sa basic training? ibang iba kasi to sa dati kong ginagawa. ibang skill set yung kailangan kong idevelop. dito walang journal, walang balancing, walang cut-off na alas dos.
sabi nung mga dati kong katrabaho, mabilis daw ako makapick up dun sa bangko. tipong bored na ko agad sa kadadaldal nila pag nagtetrain kami, ayoko ng paulit-ulit na sinasabi o nilelecture. tsaka di ako masyadong matanong. tipong inaagaw ko na agad sa kanila yung trabahong dinedemo nila sa kin tapos ako na gagawa. may kasamang, "oo gets ko na, tawagin na lang kita pag may problema." dati kaya kong i-backup ang trabaho ng 2 additional na tao bukod sa trabaho ko, madalas kasi sila magkasakit dun eh. ewan ko nga dun sa dating team ko, lagi na lang merong surgery at maternity leave. kaya rin siguro ako napagod at nagsawa. wala nang challenge. pati yung mga australian na dati nakakanose bleed kausap, sila na nagnonose bleed sa kin. charing. tapos yung sweldo dun, hay kakairita. 3 taon ako dun ha. at grabe ang binibigay na increase. kulang pa pambayad ng cellphone bill. at di ganun kamahalan yung plan ko. mas malaki pa nga magload ung ibang taong kilala ko.
eh dito kaya sa bagong trabaho? sa simula, feeling ko lagi akong naiiwan ng mga kasama ko. nung una pakiramdam ko, ang galing naman nila. shonga ko naman ata di ko magets. tipong bottom of the food chain..... teka parang maling analogy. pero basta lagi akong nagtatanong aabot ba ko ng Pasko dito? may trabaho pa kaya ako pagkatapos ng basic training? mga ganung klaseng takot. mga ganung klaseng doubts. sa kabutihang palad, nakapasa naman ako. minsan, motivation ko yang mga ganyang bagay. yung tipong feeling ko di ako magaling kaya mas magiging matyaga ako. siguro nga totoo, i work better under pressure. para akong anglar fish, na kapag tinanggal mo sa ilalim ng dagat, bigla na lang sya sasabog kasi wala yung pressure na kinasanayan niya. nagbunga naman ata yung pagtyatyaga ko. eto nakakaisang taon na ko. may improvement naman.
so far masaya ako. everyday is a challenge. gamit na gamit yung brain cells ko. sige intindihin natin ang mga indiano, brazilian, norwegian, spanish, atbp na nag-uusap ng cancer research, ng bangko, ng publishing, ng electronics. pero pag dumadating yung sweldo, di ako naiimbyerna. At ang pinakamasaya dito, paperless. walang kailangang i-punch, i-fasten, i-envelope, i-label, ikahon at i-offsite. environment-friendly. isa sa mga naging problema ko yan sa bangko. tinatambak ko yung files ko, tapos aayusin ko lang pag month-end. minsan nga every quarter pa eh, pag may audit lang. eh ayun nakakaloka i-organize. hindi isang beses lang akong nawalan ng mga papeles dun.
isa siguro sa mga pinakamagandang nangyari sa kin nung magtrabaho ako sa ciq, natuto akong mag-adjust sa mga pagbabago. mas malayo ang ortigas kesa makati sa bahay namin, kaya ayan natuto ako mag-mrt. claustrophobic pa rin ako, pero kailangan eh, kesa naman malate ako ng bonggang bongga. adjust din sa schedule. first time ko magtrabaho ng graveyard. sa una nakakaloka, katakot kaya umalis ng gabi. pero eto sanay na ko. bumilis din ako maglakad kasi baka mamaya may mga nakasunod na snatcher, holdaper, stalker. wala ni-rhyme ko lang.
isa pa, according to my friends, eh nagmature daw ako. siguro nga totoo. sa dati ko kasing trabaho, pinakabata ako nung magsimula ako. bunso nila ko dun kaya dalas kong magtantrums. pramis as in dabog kung dabog at kapag galit ako, maghapon akong di magsasalita. saka pag di kita gusto, sorry ka. dito mas nakasmile ako. mas masaya kapag wala kang kaaway. yung tipong deadmatology. kung may maarte o mayabang o masama ang ugali, deadma lang lalo na kung wala namang ginagawa sa kin. problemahin ko pa ba sila? para namang matatakpan yung butas ng ozone layer kapag ininis ko yung sarili ko sa kanila. saka mas masaya pag madaming bagong friends di ba. isa na dyan ang nagconvince sa kin buhayin yung blog ko. ikaw talaga yan, red. nakakapressure ka.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
30-day challenge day 10
my hands smell like medicine. i have been playing nurse for the past few days. it's been touch and go for a while. i have cried a lot. i've lost 1 patient but i am not giving up.
i always cry when my pets die. i treat them like family. i call my pets baby even when they are 6 years old and i talk to them like they are children, trying to tell them not to rummage through the neighbor's trash or the eat shoes and slippers we sometimes leave outside.
we have had a lot of pets throughout the years. My brother used to have this mini-zoo at home.He had pigeons, hamsters and turtles, in addition to the usual cats and dogs. Currently, I have 7 dogs and a cat. The cat, Tammy, has been with us since 2005. He's lazy and always sleepy the way cats are. He would go into your room and bother you while you're sleeping. He loves to be scratched. Mimay, our dog given to my sister allegedly named after her (Hershey Mae) has been with us probably for 4 years. One of Mimay's offspring, Milo, is 3 years old. She is one of the first puppies Mimay ever had. She had survived parasites and mange to which all her other siblings have succumbed to. Mimay gave birth to a new batch this year. 5 puppies: Pretty Girl, Pretty Boy, Rambo, Pow and Hammy. My siblings are creative in giving names.
Three months ago, Hammy died. We found him under the car. Apparently, he hasn't been eating. It must be the parasites again. Then the other dogs lost their appetite. This triggered me to bring everyone else to the vet. We don't really bring dogs to the doctor since my mom believe they're askal they can survive anything, and vets are not easy to find. But I told myself, I'm not going to lose anyone else. I have to do something, at least.
I found the vet via the Internet. Even if it requires a car or a jeepney ride, his clinic is the closest one there is. He dewormed the dogs and gave them antibiotics and appetite stimulants. I just recently realized that it's the same one kids are given when they are sick.
They're supposed to take their medicine 3x a day. It wasn't easy since I sometimes miss my meds when I need them. I had to give the meds in the morning when I get home from work then at noon before I go to sleep and lastly before I go to work at night. I think I have been good taking care of them since they eventually recovered. Every morning when I come home from work, they would run to me, lick my hands or tug at my clothes.
Milo gave birth to six puppies in June. They are very fragile and small. One of them died after a few days. After a week, another one followed. My dad said that Milo doesn't have enough milk so I had to teach them to drink milk from a saucer at three weeks or sometimes I give them milk using a syringe. We only had non-fat or evaporated milk at home but they survived. Four of them became happy healthy puppies. One pup, my dad accidentally run over. So we have 3 left.My sister gave them their names, which I remember but can never refer to the correct puppy. They are all of the same color, just like Milo.
I thought everything was going well with them. Then, the rainy days came. I have been hearing my dogs cough for the past few days. I thought it would go away. Then, I told them to stop bathing under the rain. One of Milo's pups stopped eating on Monday and she was feverish. I can tell by touch. I was worried but can't bring them to the vet since my brother's not home to drive us and I have work on Monday night. I researched about dog fever on the net and gave the pup the remedy. Ice cubes it said, put it on your hand and let the dog lick it. I did that. I also read that you can give your dog aspirin but we didn't have any. When I left for work on Monday night, I just told myself not to worry too much. When I went home on Tuesday, the pup's already eating and I thought she's getting better. On Wednesday night, she refused to eat again. I decided it's time to get her to the vet the following day. She died on Thursday. I cried a lot.
I decided to take her siblings to the vet on that same day. I noticed that her brother wasn't eating as well and have lost weight. The vet said they were feverish. They were given shots and meds. Afer three days, the male pup died. I accepted it and said it was better since he was so weak and it made me cry to have him take his medicine. He was eating very little or not at all. He had that look in his eyes as if begging and he was crying as if begging me to stop the pain.
As of today, there is only one of Milo's pups left. I call her eyeliner because she has black lines around her eyes like Kohl. She's fine now, running around and playing. She also never lost her appetite. We're almost done with the meds ,and I am hoping she'll be all right.
It is so heartbreaking to write this but I did it for the pups and for all the pet lovers out there.
Pavino Veterinary Clinic
Dr Jessie A. Pavino, D.V.M.
Dra Irene R. Manalo, D.V.M.
8 Manuela Ave, Dona Manuela Subd,
Pamplona Las Pinas
tel 028462919
cell 09213413234
Clinic Hours
Mon-Sat 8a-6p
Sun and Holidays 8a-4p
i always cry when my pets die. i treat them like family. i call my pets baby even when they are 6 years old and i talk to them like they are children, trying to tell them not to rummage through the neighbor's trash or the eat shoes and slippers we sometimes leave outside.
we have had a lot of pets throughout the years. My brother used to have this mini-zoo at home.He had pigeons, hamsters and turtles, in addition to the usual cats and dogs. Currently, I have 7 dogs and a cat. The cat, Tammy, has been with us since 2005. He's lazy and always sleepy the way cats are. He would go into your room and bother you while you're sleeping. He loves to be scratched. Mimay, our dog given to my sister allegedly named after her (Hershey Mae) has been with us probably for 4 years. One of Mimay's offspring, Milo, is 3 years old. She is one of the first puppies Mimay ever had. She had survived parasites and mange to which all her other siblings have succumbed to. Mimay gave birth to a new batch this year. 5 puppies: Pretty Girl, Pretty Boy, Rambo, Pow and Hammy. My siblings are creative in giving names.
Three months ago, Hammy died. We found him under the car. Apparently, he hasn't been eating. It must be the parasites again. Then the other dogs lost their appetite. This triggered me to bring everyone else to the vet. We don't really bring dogs to the doctor since my mom believe they're askal they can survive anything, and vets are not easy to find. But I told myself, I'm not going to lose anyone else. I have to do something, at least.
I found the vet via the Internet. Even if it requires a car or a jeepney ride, his clinic is the closest one there is. He dewormed the dogs and gave them antibiotics and appetite stimulants. I just recently realized that it's the same one kids are given when they are sick.
They're supposed to take their medicine 3x a day. It wasn't easy since I sometimes miss my meds when I need them. I had to give the meds in the morning when I get home from work then at noon before I go to sleep and lastly before I go to work at night. I think I have been good taking care of them since they eventually recovered. Every morning when I come home from work, they would run to me, lick my hands or tug at my clothes.
Milo gave birth to six puppies in June. They are very fragile and small. One of them died after a few days. After a week, another one followed. My dad said that Milo doesn't have enough milk so I had to teach them to drink milk from a saucer at three weeks or sometimes I give them milk using a syringe. We only had non-fat or evaporated milk at home but they survived. Four of them became happy healthy puppies. One pup, my dad accidentally run over. So we have 3 left.My sister gave them their names, which I remember but can never refer to the correct puppy. They are all of the same color, just like Milo.
I thought everything was going well with them. Then, the rainy days came. I have been hearing my dogs cough for the past few days. I thought it would go away. Then, I told them to stop bathing under the rain. One of Milo's pups stopped eating on Monday and she was feverish. I can tell by touch. I was worried but can't bring them to the vet since my brother's not home to drive us and I have work on Monday night. I researched about dog fever on the net and gave the pup the remedy. Ice cubes it said, put it on your hand and let the dog lick it. I did that. I also read that you can give your dog aspirin but we didn't have any. When I left for work on Monday night, I just told myself not to worry too much. When I went home on Tuesday, the pup's already eating and I thought she's getting better. On Wednesday night, she refused to eat again. I decided it's time to get her to the vet the following day. She died on Thursday. I cried a lot.
I decided to take her siblings to the vet on that same day. I noticed that her brother wasn't eating as well and have lost weight. The vet said they were feverish. They were given shots and meds. Afer three days, the male pup died. I accepted it and said it was better since he was so weak and it made me cry to have him take his medicine. He was eating very little or not at all. He had that look in his eyes as if begging and he was crying as if begging me to stop the pain.
As of today, there is only one of Milo's pups left. I call her eyeliner because she has black lines around her eyes like Kohl. She's fine now, running around and playing. She also never lost her appetite. We're almost done with the meds ,and I am hoping she'll be all right.
It is so heartbreaking to write this but I did it for the pups and for all the pet lovers out there.
Pavino Veterinary Clinic
Dr Jessie A. Pavino, D.V.M.
Dra Irene R. Manalo, D.V.M.
8 Manuela Ave, Dona Manuela Subd,
Pamplona Las Pinas
tel 028462919
cell 09213413234
Clinic Hours
Mon-Sat 8a-6p
Sun and Holidays 8a-4p
Saturday, September 10, 2011
30-day challenge day 9 balik fiction
I first wrote this when I was fifteen and did some revisions during college.
Brown Eyes
I stared at the blank piece of paper in front of me. It’s a page of my diary. I know I should write something in it to lessen my burden, to make me feel better and less guilty. But my mind is so blurred I can hardly remember my name.
What can I write to make me feel better? I could not think clearly. My mind is like a sea at storm. There are waves and more waves. But in the midst of that storm, a face suddenly came to me. I know that face quite well. He is one of the few people who understands and appreciates me. I remember how he would always have a smile ready for me. I could also never forget how his brown eyes would reflect his feelings. They never tell a lie. His eyes looked so different when he laughed or smiled or when he’s angry or when he feels sad. And sometimes when he is seriously concerned about me, I look at him and I get lost in his eyes.
Until a few weeks ago, he was my friend. I don’t actually want to remember how I lost him, I know I just did. Maybe I am just good at driving people away or so it seems.
As I was holding my pen and about to jot down something. I recalled the day he told me about a girl he liked. I felt a sharp pain inside of me and for a moment my heart skipped a beat. I thought I was going to die.
I was caught in disbelief. Did I hear him right? How he could he like this girl? I hate her since…. FOREVER! She’s mean, selfish, materialistic and judgmental. Of all people, why her? Then I looked at him, trying to sense if he was just kidding; he sometimes does that. If only I knew I would later regret it, if only I could turn back time, I should’nt have looked at him that time. Maybe I would not be so miserable right now. I remember how his eyes looked like. They were sparkling the way I have never seen them sparkle before.
I got lost in his eyes. And the world appeared to me as a big blur. I excused myself before teardrops fell from my eyes. I never want him to see me crying. He would only ask too much. Also I don’t want to see the way his eyes would look like when he is concerned about me simply because it would never match the way how that girl made his eyes sparkle.
I slowly drifted away from the person who owned those eyes. I invented reasons so I would’nt have to spend time with him. I leave everytime I see him coming. I did not return his phone calls.
And during the unavoidable times that we are together, I tried my best not to look at him, because I know that if I did I would get lost in his eyes. I wouldn’t want to give myself away. I simply made him believe that I do’nt care about him anymore. But in reality, I really missed him. I want to be with him.
I thought I was doing pretty good at not paying attention to him until today. I saw him under the rain. I worried that he might get sick. I called out to him. He did not say anything. All he did was stare at me.
I was taken aback with what I saw in his eyes. His brown eyes were so sad, as sad like I have never seen them before. They never looked that sad when his parents separated when we were eight not even when his dad died when we were fourteen. I wondered, what has happened?
Suddenly I got lost in his eyes but not in any way like before. I felt like he was a different person. Maybe he was trying to tell me something in a language I used to know but forgot all about.He seemed so strange to me.I felt that I don’t know him anymore and I don’t have any right to call him my friend.
Tears came running down my cheeks. He turned away. I know I would always regret that I did not stop him. Right now, I feel that I have lost him forever.
I stared at the blank piece of paper in front of me. It’s a page of my diary. I know I should write something in it to lessen my burden, to make me feel better and less guilty. But my mind is so blurred I can hardly remember my name.
I can still see his face. His brown eyes that are so expressive. These are the only things that are clear to me now. Until a few weeks ago, he was my friend. It pains me to remember how I lost him. I just want him back.
sept 2006
Brown Eyes
I stared at the blank piece of paper in front of me. It’s a page of my diary. I know I should write something in it to lessen my burden, to make me feel better and less guilty. But my mind is so blurred I can hardly remember my name.
What can I write to make me feel better? I could not think clearly. My mind is like a sea at storm. There are waves and more waves. But in the midst of that storm, a face suddenly came to me. I know that face quite well. He is one of the few people who understands and appreciates me. I remember how he would always have a smile ready for me. I could also never forget how his brown eyes would reflect his feelings. They never tell a lie. His eyes looked so different when he laughed or smiled or when he’s angry or when he feels sad. And sometimes when he is seriously concerned about me, I look at him and I get lost in his eyes.
Until a few weeks ago, he was my friend. I don’t actually want to remember how I lost him, I know I just did. Maybe I am just good at driving people away or so it seems.
As I was holding my pen and about to jot down something. I recalled the day he told me about a girl he liked. I felt a sharp pain inside of me and for a moment my heart skipped a beat. I thought I was going to die.
I was caught in disbelief. Did I hear him right? How he could he like this girl? I hate her since…. FOREVER! She’s mean, selfish, materialistic and judgmental. Of all people, why her? Then I looked at him, trying to sense if he was just kidding; he sometimes does that. If only I knew I would later regret it, if only I could turn back time, I should’nt have looked at him that time. Maybe I would not be so miserable right now. I remember how his eyes looked like. They were sparkling the way I have never seen them sparkle before.
I got lost in his eyes. And the world appeared to me as a big blur. I excused myself before teardrops fell from my eyes. I never want him to see me crying. He would only ask too much. Also I don’t want to see the way his eyes would look like when he is concerned about me simply because it would never match the way how that girl made his eyes sparkle.
I slowly drifted away from the person who owned those eyes. I invented reasons so I would’nt have to spend time with him. I leave everytime I see him coming. I did not return his phone calls.
And during the unavoidable times that we are together, I tried my best not to look at him, because I know that if I did I would get lost in his eyes. I wouldn’t want to give myself away. I simply made him believe that I do’nt care about him anymore. But in reality, I really missed him. I want to be with him.
I thought I was doing pretty good at not paying attention to him until today. I saw him under the rain. I worried that he might get sick. I called out to him. He did not say anything. All he did was stare at me.
I was taken aback with what I saw in his eyes. His brown eyes were so sad, as sad like I have never seen them before. They never looked that sad when his parents separated when we were eight not even when his dad died when we were fourteen. I wondered, what has happened?
Suddenly I got lost in his eyes but not in any way like before. I felt like he was a different person. Maybe he was trying to tell me something in a language I used to know but forgot all about.He seemed so strange to me.I felt that I don’t know him anymore and I don’t have any right to call him my friend.
Tears came running down my cheeks. He turned away. I know I would always regret that I did not stop him. Right now, I feel that I have lost him forever.
I stared at the blank piece of paper in front of me. It’s a page of my diary. I know I should write something in it to lessen my burden, to make me feel better and less guilty. But my mind is so blurred I can hardly remember my name.
I can still see his face. His brown eyes that are so expressive. These are the only things that are clear to me now. Until a few weeks ago, he was my friend. It pains me to remember how I lost him. I just want him back.
sept 2006
30-day challenge day 8
yung insomnia attacks ko stress-related. di kaya yung di ko pagkakatulog ay sanhi ng araw-araw na pressure para magpost? been doing this for one week. ayun 22 days to go. keri naman pala. 22 days pa kong magkakaganito.
minsan sabi sa kin nung kaibigan ko, mukha kang labtim. pakialam ka ng pakialam ng lablayp ng iba kaya wala kang lablayp. well totoo naman lahat ng sinabi nya. mahilig ako makialam ng lablayp ng iba at wala naman talaga akong lablayp. yan nga laging tinatanong sa kin ng lahat ng mga kamag-anak ko pag magkikita kami, may boyfriend ka na? parang concern nilang lahat yung bagay na yun sa palagay ko nga magpapaparty sila sinabi kong meron. nagsasawa na nga ako sa kakasagot ng wala, sila di pa magsawa sa kakatanong. hindi naman sa ayoko, may mga bagay na ganun lang talaga. gets?
pero yang kaibigan ko na yan, nagkamali sya sa cause and effect. sa paniwala ko kasi if love doesn't work for me, at least i can make it work for others. minsan may fairy-god mother syndrome ako eh. imbento ko lang din yun, simply put pakialamera ako.
kasalukuyan akong may project, kasabwat ng isang officemate na tatawagin nating Meow. ang prospects isang ateng masungit at kuyang sobrang tahimik. minsan namin silang sapilitang napasama lumabas. ayun kumain kami dun sa famous tapsilugan sa SC ng UP Diliman. Si Kuya gusto magkite flying, kaso walang malakas na hangin nung araw na yun. Parang pinagpasalamat nga rin nya yun kasi kinakahiya nya yung kite na may drawing na colorful dracula, as in purple, pink, yellow, courtesy of Meow. Inabala nya pa talaga sarili niya para mabili yun.
Pero parang enjoy naman sina ate at kuya sa mga paglalakad-lakad na ginawa namin saka yung pag-iwan namin sa kanilang dalawa dun sa may art gallery para maghanap ng cr. Binabalak nga namin ni Meow na sundan yung date nila. Para kaming mga high school na nakasubaybay sa favorite naming on-screen loveteam.
Magkaka-officemates kami. Nagsimula kasi ang lahat sa party nung April para celebration ng regularization namin sa office. Ayun, may picture na magkatabi sila. Ang cute lang nila and something clicked. Di man ako magaling sa math, favorite subject ko naman yung chemistry, kaya naman na-apply ko yan sa mga ganitong bagay.
Sige kaunting background kay ate at kuya. Itago na lang natin sila sa pangalang... wala ata akong maisip na pangalan. Sige si ate na lang si Barbie, si kuya si Joshua. Walang pakialamanan. Si Barbie ang impression talaga sa kanya masungit, mataray.Kahapon nga parang gusto nyang magpabotox para daw lagi na lang sya nakasmile at wag na syang commentan ng ganun. sa pagkakaunawa ko isa syang late bloomer sa pag-ibig at sa halos lahat ng bagay bagay. Kung gusto nyong malaman yang kwento ng pag-ibig nya, sya na lang tanungin nyo. Baka masabunutan ako kapag sinabi ko dito.
Si Joshua naman, hanga ako dun eh. Ang galing galing at sobrang sipag sa trabaho. Minsan nga gusto ko nang paabangan sa labas yun eh para di na makapasok. Sige sa ibang post na lang yung mga evil schemes ko ha. Magkakatrabaho kami sa panahong ito. Inulit ko lang kung sakaling di mo nabasa yung nasa taas. 1 year na nga kami dito sa office sa september 20, so far wala pang matinong plano para sa anniversary party, pero sa ibang post na lang din yun.
Anyway, minsang nagyaya si Joshua lumabas uli. Gusto nya puntahan yung Salcedo market. Natuwa naman ako at si Meow kasi siya na yung nagyaya, hindi na kami. kaso lang di naman natuloy kasi naglipat bahay sya. This month medyo uso ata yung mga nakaleave. Matagal na nagleave si Barbie, pagbalik naman nya si Joshua ang nakaleave. Ngayon iniiisipan uli namin ng lakad yung dalawa. Sana wag na masyadong magsungit si Barbie, di naman namin sya pinepressure, suggestion lang. Saka sana dumaldal ng kaunti si Joshua, saka pwede ba syang maging assertive minsan para diretso na yung pagyaya niya kay Barbie at di na dadaan sa min.
so papasa na to as one post di ba? i wonder what red is doing. sana nag-eenjoy sya sa bakasyon
minsan sabi sa kin nung kaibigan ko, mukha kang labtim. pakialam ka ng pakialam ng lablayp ng iba kaya wala kang lablayp. well totoo naman lahat ng sinabi nya. mahilig ako makialam ng lablayp ng iba at wala naman talaga akong lablayp. yan nga laging tinatanong sa kin ng lahat ng mga kamag-anak ko pag magkikita kami, may boyfriend ka na? parang concern nilang lahat yung bagay na yun sa palagay ko nga magpapaparty sila sinabi kong meron. nagsasawa na nga ako sa kakasagot ng wala, sila di pa magsawa sa kakatanong. hindi naman sa ayoko, may mga bagay na ganun lang talaga. gets?
pero yang kaibigan ko na yan, nagkamali sya sa cause and effect. sa paniwala ko kasi if love doesn't work for me, at least i can make it work for others. minsan may fairy-god mother syndrome ako eh. imbento ko lang din yun, simply put pakialamera ako.
kasalukuyan akong may project, kasabwat ng isang officemate na tatawagin nating Meow. ang prospects isang ateng masungit at kuyang sobrang tahimik. minsan namin silang sapilitang napasama lumabas. ayun kumain kami dun sa famous tapsilugan sa SC ng UP Diliman. Si Kuya gusto magkite flying, kaso walang malakas na hangin nung araw na yun. Parang pinagpasalamat nga rin nya yun kasi kinakahiya nya yung kite na may drawing na colorful dracula, as in purple, pink, yellow, courtesy of Meow. Inabala nya pa talaga sarili niya para mabili yun.
Pero parang enjoy naman sina ate at kuya sa mga paglalakad-lakad na ginawa namin saka yung pag-iwan namin sa kanilang dalawa dun sa may art gallery para maghanap ng cr. Binabalak nga namin ni Meow na sundan yung date nila. Para kaming mga high school na nakasubaybay sa favorite naming on-screen loveteam.
Magkaka-officemates kami. Nagsimula kasi ang lahat sa party nung April para celebration ng regularization namin sa office. Ayun, may picture na magkatabi sila. Ang cute lang nila and something clicked. Di man ako magaling sa math, favorite subject ko naman yung chemistry, kaya naman na-apply ko yan sa mga ganitong bagay.
Sige kaunting background kay ate at kuya. Itago na lang natin sila sa pangalang... wala ata akong maisip na pangalan. Sige si ate na lang si Barbie, si kuya si Joshua. Walang pakialamanan. Si Barbie ang impression talaga sa kanya masungit, mataray.Kahapon nga parang gusto nyang magpabotox para daw lagi na lang sya nakasmile at wag na syang commentan ng ganun. sa pagkakaunawa ko isa syang late bloomer sa pag-ibig at sa halos lahat ng bagay bagay. Kung gusto nyong malaman yang kwento ng pag-ibig nya, sya na lang tanungin nyo. Baka masabunutan ako kapag sinabi ko dito.
Si Joshua naman, hanga ako dun eh. Ang galing galing at sobrang sipag sa trabaho. Minsan nga gusto ko nang paabangan sa labas yun eh para di na makapasok. Sige sa ibang post na lang yung mga evil schemes ko ha. Magkakatrabaho kami sa panahong ito. Inulit ko lang kung sakaling di mo nabasa yung nasa taas. 1 year na nga kami dito sa office sa september 20, so far wala pang matinong plano para sa anniversary party, pero sa ibang post na lang din yun.
Anyway, minsang nagyaya si Joshua lumabas uli. Gusto nya puntahan yung Salcedo market. Natuwa naman ako at si Meow kasi siya na yung nagyaya, hindi na kami. kaso lang di naman natuloy kasi naglipat bahay sya. This month medyo uso ata yung mga nakaleave. Matagal na nagleave si Barbie, pagbalik naman nya si Joshua ang nakaleave. Ngayon iniiisipan uli namin ng lakad yung dalawa. Sana wag na masyadong magsungit si Barbie, di naman namin sya pinepressure, suggestion lang. Saka sana dumaldal ng kaunti si Joshua, saka pwede ba syang maging assertive minsan para diretso na yung pagyaya niya kay Barbie at di na dadaan sa min.
so papasa na to as one post di ba? i wonder what red is doing. sana nag-eenjoy sya sa bakasyon
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
30-day challenge day 7
i woke up with a headache. it's just on one side of my head. it's as if my neurons suddenly wanted to overwork themselves and have been firing neurotransmitters to my pain receptors all day. ano daw? basta masakit ulo ko kanina paggising ko. yun lang gusto ko sabihin. at medyo masakit pa rin sya ngayon kahit na uminom na ko ng gamot. kulang kasi ako sa tulog. lately, may problema na naman kami ng pagtulog.
nung high school ko nadiskubre na di kami masyadong magkasundo ng pagtulog. may insomnia ako nun eh. paano ko nalaman? wala lang, ni-diagnose ko yung sarili ko. wag na magulo. eventually, nalaman kong may kinalaman sa stress ang di ko pagkakatulog or ang paggising ko ng sobrang maaga (premature waking)
nung college naman, di ko masyadong problema ang pagtulog kasi normal nang di ako matutulog. sa dami ba naman ng readings, reaction paper, reflection paper, research, book review at iba pa na kailangan kong isulat, walang lugar ang pagtulog. normal nang matulog ng alas 12 at gumising ng alas 3 or alas 4.
sa first job, dun ko nalamang sobrang busy ko pala sa undergrad. kasi nung nagtatrabaho na ko, hinahanap ng katawan ko yung bonggang bonggang homework. dahil wala nang homework, madalas nun nakakatulog na ko pagdating ko ng bahay. pero may mga pagkakataon din nagpaparamdam yung insomnia. kaya ayun nakikipagchat na lang ako sa mga classmates ko.
nung lumipat kami ng bahay feeling ko wala akong matinong tulog ever. nilipatan kasi namin yung bahay namin ngayon na di pa gawa yung mga kwarto, kaya nakadividers lang kami. matagal-tagal rin akong ganun. mga halos isang taon. naging okay lang ako nung maayos na yung kwarto ko. well, hindi pa rin sya maayos ngayon. sige yan ang topic ng day 8.
after 3 yrs, lumayas ako sa dati kong office. nang malipat ako sa capital iq, nanibago ako. unang-una mas malayo sya sa bahay tapos yung schedule ko nung una parang ang haba haba ng araw ko sa office. ang pagtulog, normal naman.
nung january, nagsimula akong pumasok ng graveyard shift. nung una, kala ko katapusan na ng buhay ko. nagsimula na kong kaibiganin uli si Lina. araw araw mag-email sa kin yan eh, wala naman akong mapala. anyway, napatunayan ko, na hindi pala ako hirap matulog kahit araw. sa sobrang pagod ko kasi, makakatulog at makakatulog ako.
pero lately, hirap akong matulog. nung saturday nga expected ko mga 12 hrs akong makakatulog kasi buong maghapon akong gumala-gala after ng shift. this week, pagdating ko ng 8 or 9 am sa bahay, nakakaidlip ako sa panonood ng tv, siguro mga 30 mins, tapos alas 2 na ng hapon gising pa ko. palagay ko factor din dito yung kapitbahay naming talagang sa tanghaling tapat magvideoke. pero palagay ko stress rin to eh. kailangan ko lang siguro ng bakasyon. hay, tagal pa yung long weekend ko eh.
nung high school ko nadiskubre na di kami masyadong magkasundo ng pagtulog. may insomnia ako nun eh. paano ko nalaman? wala lang, ni-diagnose ko yung sarili ko. wag na magulo. eventually, nalaman kong may kinalaman sa stress ang di ko pagkakatulog or ang paggising ko ng sobrang maaga (premature waking)
nung college naman, di ko masyadong problema ang pagtulog kasi normal nang di ako matutulog. sa dami ba naman ng readings, reaction paper, reflection paper, research, book review at iba pa na kailangan kong isulat, walang lugar ang pagtulog. normal nang matulog ng alas 12 at gumising ng alas 3 or alas 4.
sa first job, dun ko nalamang sobrang busy ko pala sa undergrad. kasi nung nagtatrabaho na ko, hinahanap ng katawan ko yung bonggang bonggang homework. dahil wala nang homework, madalas nun nakakatulog na ko pagdating ko ng bahay. pero may mga pagkakataon din nagpaparamdam yung insomnia. kaya ayun nakikipagchat na lang ako sa mga classmates ko.
nung lumipat kami ng bahay feeling ko wala akong matinong tulog ever. nilipatan kasi namin yung bahay namin ngayon na di pa gawa yung mga kwarto, kaya nakadividers lang kami. matagal-tagal rin akong ganun. mga halos isang taon. naging okay lang ako nung maayos na yung kwarto ko. well, hindi pa rin sya maayos ngayon. sige yan ang topic ng day 8.
after 3 yrs, lumayas ako sa dati kong office. nang malipat ako sa capital iq, nanibago ako. unang-una mas malayo sya sa bahay tapos yung schedule ko nung una parang ang haba haba ng araw ko sa office. ang pagtulog, normal naman.
nung january, nagsimula akong pumasok ng graveyard shift. nung una, kala ko katapusan na ng buhay ko. nagsimula na kong kaibiganin uli si Lina. araw araw mag-email sa kin yan eh, wala naman akong mapala. anyway, napatunayan ko, na hindi pala ako hirap matulog kahit araw. sa sobrang pagod ko kasi, makakatulog at makakatulog ako.
pero lately, hirap akong matulog. nung saturday nga expected ko mga 12 hrs akong makakatulog kasi buong maghapon akong gumala-gala after ng shift. this week, pagdating ko ng 8 or 9 am sa bahay, nakakaidlip ako sa panonood ng tv, siguro mga 30 mins, tapos alas 2 na ng hapon gising pa ko. palagay ko factor din dito yung kapitbahay naming talagang sa tanghaling tapat magvideoke. pero palagay ko stress rin to eh. kailangan ko lang siguro ng bakasyon. hay, tagal pa yung long weekend ko eh.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
30-day challenge Day 6
Pet peeves. Minsan nakwento sa kin ng kapatid ko, may pinafi-fill out daw na form from the guidance counselor's office. May nakalagay sa form name, address, hobbies tapos sa dulo pet peeves. Sabi daw ng adviser niya sa English nung high school, ang pet peeve ay ang gusto mong alagaang hayop. Eh dahil madali silang maniwala, karamihan sa kanila 12 yrs old, eh di isinulat naman nila aso, pusa, isda piranha, tigre. Pinabalik daw yung forms sa kanila at parang naguidance si ma'am.
Wala lang sinusubukan ko lang magpatawa. True story naman yang nasa taas. Day 6, ayan nalampasan ko na yung expectation ko sa sarili ko. Teka, pat on the back ko lang yung sarili ko for doing a good job. Haha grabe naman ung independence ko no.
Pag tinatanong ako kung ano yung pet peeve ko wala akong maisagot agad. Siguro dahil masyadong madami akong ayaw kaya naman di ko alam kung ano ang uunahin. Maarte ako eh. So medyo nag-isip isip muna ako. Nagtype, binasa ang naitype, tapos binura at nagsimula uli.
Tapos naisip ko one thing that annoys me ay yung isang barkadang ang iingay sa public transportation na parang nabili nila yung jeep, yung bus o yung mrt. Nakakaloka. Minsan may nakasabay akong mga ganyan, sa MRT. Malamang alam ng lahat kung gaano kasiksikan yung MRT di ba. Sabay sabay silang sasakay, mga edad 15-17. Magkakatabi tapos mag-uusap, magtatawanan ng sobrang lakas, maghaharutan nang parang walang ibang tao. May isang ale dun na sumisigaw dahil mapapapagsarhan sya ng pinto, aba yung mga bata nakisigaw din. Kala ata lahat joke. Imbyerna ako sa mga ganun. Sabi ko could you kids keep it down, nakataas kilay ko na nun, kaso di naman ata nila narinig kasi di naman ako sumigaw at ang iingay nga kasi nila .
Isa ko pang kinakainis yung nakikipag-usap sa telepono sa public transportation pa rin. Ayon sa mga nabasa ko, meron naman daw scientific explanation yung ganung klaseng inis. Kasi daw isang side lang ng usapan ang naririnig mo, eh kung natural kang tsismosa, malamang gusto mo din malaman yung sagot ng nasa kabila. Bahala yung ayaw maniwala.
Number three pet peeve ay yung mga kotse lumiliko nang di sumisignal. Basta nakakairita lang. Yung tipong patawid ka, tapos akala mo diretso si kuya yun pala paliko. Talagang namemewang ako sa mga ganung pagkakataon, may kasama pang buntong hininga.
Number four, irita ako sa mga nagyoyosi sa kalsada habang naglalakad. Kung makabuga parang gusto nya lang tanggalan ng karapatan ung ibang tao sa fresh air.
Number five, yung ayaw kang paunahin sa paglalakad, pero ang bagal naman nya. Ung wala kang choice kasi kung di sya tatabi dun ka lang talaga sa likod nya. That only proves kung gaano ako kainipin.
At trivia lang sa pagsusulat ko nitong post na to, nalaman kong merong getannoyed.com at petpeeves.com. Ano kayang ginagawa ng mga moderator nun? Ang daming alam. Kakainis.
Wala lang sinusubukan ko lang magpatawa. True story naman yang nasa taas. Day 6, ayan nalampasan ko na yung expectation ko sa sarili ko. Teka, pat on the back ko lang yung sarili ko for doing a good job. Haha grabe naman ung independence ko no.
Pag tinatanong ako kung ano yung pet peeve ko wala akong maisagot agad. Siguro dahil masyadong madami akong ayaw kaya naman di ko alam kung ano ang uunahin. Maarte ako eh. So medyo nag-isip isip muna ako. Nagtype, binasa ang naitype, tapos binura at nagsimula uli.
Tapos naisip ko one thing that annoys me ay yung isang barkadang ang iingay sa public transportation na parang nabili nila yung jeep, yung bus o yung mrt. Nakakaloka. Minsan may nakasabay akong mga ganyan, sa MRT. Malamang alam ng lahat kung gaano kasiksikan yung MRT di ba. Sabay sabay silang sasakay, mga edad 15-17. Magkakatabi tapos mag-uusap, magtatawanan ng sobrang lakas, maghaharutan nang parang walang ibang tao. May isang ale dun na sumisigaw dahil mapapapagsarhan sya ng pinto, aba yung mga bata nakisigaw din. Kala ata lahat joke. Imbyerna ako sa mga ganun. Sabi ko could you kids keep it down, nakataas kilay ko na nun, kaso di naman ata nila narinig kasi di naman ako sumigaw at ang iingay nga kasi nila .
Isa ko pang kinakainis yung nakikipag-usap sa telepono sa public transportation pa rin. Ayon sa mga nabasa ko, meron naman daw scientific explanation yung ganung klaseng inis. Kasi daw isang side lang ng usapan ang naririnig mo, eh kung natural kang tsismosa, malamang gusto mo din malaman yung sagot ng nasa kabila. Bahala yung ayaw maniwala.
Number three pet peeve ay yung mga kotse lumiliko nang di sumisignal. Basta nakakairita lang. Yung tipong patawid ka, tapos akala mo diretso si kuya yun pala paliko. Talagang namemewang ako sa mga ganung pagkakataon, may kasama pang buntong hininga.
Number four, irita ako sa mga nagyoyosi sa kalsada habang naglalakad. Kung makabuga parang gusto nya lang tanggalan ng karapatan ung ibang tao sa fresh air.
Number five, yung ayaw kang paunahin sa paglalakad, pero ang bagal naman nya. Ung wala kang choice kasi kung di sya tatabi dun ka lang talaga sa likod nya. That only proves kung gaano ako kainipin.
At trivia lang sa pagsusulat ko nitong post na to, nalaman kong merong getannoyed.com at petpeeves.com. Ano kayang ginagawa ng mga moderator nun? Ang daming alam. Kakainis.
Monday, September 5, 2011
30-day challenge day 5
Today is Day 5,and I can't believe I am still doing this. What's up for today? Write about a song that inspires me. Eh di nga ako mahilig sa music di ba? So dahil non-conformist naman ako minsan, I will write about something else today. Kapag trip ko ng music, saka ako magsusulat about a song that inspires me.
Sabi ko nga sa una kong post, my childhood dream is to become a doctor. At ayun nga, di ko nga keri yun kasi sobrang madiriin ako. So malamang di ko kayang kumatay-- sorry, mag-disect ng palaka, pusa at tao. I gave it up around high school ata. After giving up on that dream, kahit minsan di ko na naisip that I would ever have a chance to work at the hospital setting. Nung college, Behavioral Sciences yung course ko. Bakit? Eh kasi before we took the UPCAT, sabi sa 'min write ANY non-quota course, so just you could get into the university, since yung first year daw panay GE naman so di naman masasayang if you are going to shift. I wrote that kasi medyo interesado ako nun sa Psychology, yung mga personality tests. Mababaw lang actually yung pagkakaintindi ko sa course eh. Second choice ko Organizational Communication. Wala lang, may communication kasing nakalagay eh feeling ko nun, madaldal ako ng sobra at gusto kong mahasa yung mga communication skills ko.
Pero gusto ko talaga at that time Accounting. Labo no, sabi ko ayoko na Math, pero enjoy ko kasi yung Accounting subject namin nung high school. So sabi ko parang masaya sya. Wala naman sine/cosine, tangent, atbp dun sa subject namin, debit/credit lang, t-account, mga ganyan. Sinulat ko naman din yun sa application ko sa second choice campus , first choice program.
Nung first year, binagsak ko yung Math 11 ko. Algebra yun eh. Sumasali pa nga ako sa peer review nun para lang makapasa ako. Kaso sadyang di ako magaling sa paghahanap nung mga nawawalang value ng x, y, z. Saka di ko magrasp kung anong sense nung mga fraction na fraction ang numerator at denominator. At pre-requisite lang naman sya ng higher Math subjects na kailangan ko itake para makashift ako. So ayun di na ko nag-shift. Okay na rin naman, napatunayan ko lang di na talaga ako magaling sa numero so wag ko na nga pahirapan yung sarili ko. I stayed sa Beh Sci. Nadiscuss naman namin yung mga personality tests na gusto ko dati at marami pang iba.
Since UP Manila ako, exposed kami sa PGH sa simula pa lang. Nung una, daanan lang namin sya papunta sa ibang colleges, pag papasok sa P.E. o kaya pupunta sa University Library. Yung college ko, yung CAS, kami lang yung kaisa-isang hindi "white college" sa Manila. Yung Allied Medical Professions, Nursing, Pharmacy, Public Health, Medicine lahat sila naka-uniform ng puti. Marami sa classmates ko pre-med nila yung undergrad. So eventually, they are going to wear white.
At that time, di ko alam yung gusto ko gawin sa buhay ko eh. During our orientation and halos lahat ng professors namin during my stay sa program sinabi na maganda yung course. You can go anywhere, pwedeng HR, pwedeng research, pre-med, pre-law, clinical, academe. Eh nakakaoverwhelm naman, daming choices parang buffet. At that time sabi ko sa sarili ko, basta itutuloy ko na nga lang. Saka na ko mag-iisip kung ano gagawin ko sa buhay ko.
Nasabi ko kanina na nakapagtrabaho ako sa hospital setting di ba? If you are thinking na tinuloy ko yung pangarap kong maging doktor, eh pakibatukan ang mga sarili nyo. Eh sinabi ko ngang hindi, di ba??? Well, yung trabaho ko sa ospital, internship yun.
During our third year, basta na lang kaming hinati sa tatlong grupo. Tapos inassign sa min yung magiging practicum/ojt namin. Clinical, HR at NGO/Research. Di ko alam kung bakit ako napalagay sa Clinical setting. Di naman siguro grades ang basehan, kasi yung mga sobrang tataas ng grades in preparation for UP College of Med, napunta naman sa iba-ibang setting. Siguro totoo yung tsismis na may roleta dun sa department.
Di madali ang makapasok na intern sa UP-PGH. UP students lang kadalasan ang tinatanggap. Inassign kami sa Department of Rehab Med. Di yun para sa mga adik ha. Rehabilitation Medicine, para sa mga na-stroke, naaksidente at mga children with special needs at persons with disability. Kasama namin dun yung mga Occupational Therapists, Speech Therapists, at Physical Therapists.
Bago kami magsimula ng training namin dun, may written exam at interview pa. For formality lang naman daw. Yung clinical supervisor kasi namin dun, alumna ng course namin. So pasalamat daw kami, dahil yung mga dating intern daw dun naka-assign sa infamous Ward 7. Anong andun? Dun yung department of mental health. Tuwing umaga, may nakatambay sa bintana ng ward nila tapos kumakanta ng Lupang Hinirang, tapos normal lang yung may nagsisisigaw at nagwawala sa loob. .
Very strict yung CS namin, si Ma'am Elaine. Tama lang naman, kasi natuto talaga kami. At hanga talaga ako sa galing nya. So isang summer kami dun, and we need to complete 100 hrs ata or more. Di ko na masyado matandaan. Particular si Ma'am Elaine sa attendance, at para walang dayaan, binigyan kaming lahat ng time card. Natuwa ako dun eh. Very old school. As in pagdating mo sa ospital, punta kang bundy clock, dun ang time in. Sa pagkakaalam naming lahat, dadalawa lang ang bundy clock sa buong PGH. Isa sa central block, isa sa OPD. So ikaw bahala kung san mo gusto, pareho naman silang malayo. Required din ang uniform na kulay puti. Dun mo mararamdaman na kapag nakaputi kang palakad-lakad sa PGH, iba ang dating mo sa mga tao. Madalas kang mapagtanungan kung san po ba yung pharmacy, yung ward ganito, yung MSS. Parang tingin nila sa yo isa kang naglalakad na GPS.
Yung first two weeks ko sa internship, nagrarounds ako sa inpatient. Well, medyo boring sya eh. Araw-araw mo silang pupuntahan, kukumustahin, magpapagawa ka ng activity at tapos susulat ka ng report. May tatlo akong pasyente nun. Si Ate Weng, na may spinal injury; si Manong Soldier na nakalimutan ko na yung pangalan, Korean war veteran, spinal injury din sya; at si Kuya Masungit (nalimutan ko na din ang pangalan) na merong rheumatic heart disease. Yun ang gagawin ko sa morning. Saglit lang naman ang rounds mga 15-20 mins lang per patient.
Ang gawain naman ng psychologist sa rounds, di naman gaya ng sa doktor or nurse. Di naman kami trained to get the patient's BP or temperature or magpainom ng gamot. What we do is we talk with the patient. Kung ano ang nararamdaman nya sa kasalukyan nyang sitwasyon, kung ano ang mga namimiss nya habang nasa ospital, mga plano nya sa paglabas nya. Madalas kwentuhan lang ang ginagawa sa rounds, pero minsan may games din akong naiisip. Pag Wednesday nun may group therapy ung buong ward. Lahat ng interns iisip ng gimik, ng laro. Kailangan susulat ka pa nyan ng proposal, kailangan may objectives.
Challenge si Kuya Masungit, dahil araw-araw na lang tuwing pupuntahan ko lagi syang galit. Parang ang reaksyon nya sa kin, andito ka na naman, dami dami mong tanong. Isa pang challenge dahil si Kuya sa ward 1 nakaconfine. Di ko maalala kung ano ang ward 1 pero pag papasok ako dun halos masuka ako sa amoy ng gamot. Smells like death in there, seryoso. Eh di naman ako nagsusuot ng mask dahil baka mas masungitan nya ko. Sabihin pa nya nandidiri ako eh hindi naman nakakahawa yung sakit nya. Ayun bago matapos ang internship ko, sumalangit nawa na si kuya. Pagdating ko na lang isang araw, sabi ng nurse, expired na daw yung patient sa bed 1. Expired, ibig sabihin namatay na.
Yun ang gawain namin sa morning. Sa hapon naman magsusulat kami ng reports na isasubmit the next day at ilalagay sa chart na patient. Minsan naman nag-aassist kami sa SpEd classes. May summer lessons dun yung SpEd kids. Generally, di ako mahilig sa bata. Ayoko ng maingay at ng magugulo at pasaway. Pero sa mga panahong ito, natuwa ako sa kanila. Nakakatuwa silang subaybayan araw-araw. Bago magsimula ang klase with their SpEd teachers, kakanta kami ng circle time. Importante sa mga kids with special needs ang routine. Dapat kung ano yung ginagawa nila ganun ng ganun araw araw. We are trying to start a habit, parang ganun.
Madaming cute na bata pala dun. Si RR, si Joana, si Anton, si Raine, si Jao, si Pat. Bawat intern may kanya kanyang favorite na bata. Iba-iba sila ng cases. Merong may hearing impairment, mental retardation, autism, ADHD. Dun ko nakita yung mga bagay na nababasa ko lang sa libro.
Nung nagrotation na, dun naman ako sa outpatient.Basically, pupunta ang patient sa ospital for assessment at therapy. Assessment, ibig sabihin gagawan namin sila ng psychological report. Ang isang psychological report ay naglalaman ng case history, behavioral observation, test results at recommendations. Yung patient history, kinukuha yan sa nanay/tatay/guardian sa pamamagitan ng interview. Tatanong mo lang yung buong pangalan, birthday, pangalan ng magulang, mga naging sakit, kung na-ospital, observation ng magulang na nagtulak sa kanilang dalhin yung bata sa ospital.
Habang ginagawa mo yung interview sa parent, aaliwin mo yung bata, hindi talent show level ha. Ang ginagawa ko bibigyan ko sya ng papel, lapis, crayons tapos pasusulatin ko halimbawa ng pangalan, tatanungin ko kung asan yung ganito at ganyang kulay. Kunwari, ganun ganun lang yun pero ang totoo, binibigay ko na sa bata ang una nyang test. VABS (Vineland Adaptive Behavior Scale) ang gamit dun. Yun ay pangmeasure ng kakayahan ng isang bata sa ADT (activities of daily living) halimbawa ang isang batang 7 years old ay kaya nang gumamit ng gunting. Kadalasan ginagamit to determine mental retardation tong test na to. Actually, isa syang checklist. Tapos may score kung gaano kadami ang nakacheck.
Usually, binibigyan din sila ng IQ test, depende sa edad nung bata. Yung isang test na ginagamit namin yung WISC-R (Weschler Intelligence Scale for Children- Revised Edition). Yung isa di ko na matandaan. Ayun K-ABC (Kaufman Assessment Battery for Children) pala. Ang problema nga lang sa mga iq test na yan, may parts na culture bias sila. Pero masaya silang iadminister. May isang part dun na pabubuuuin mo ng puzzle yung mga bata tapos may time limit. Merong mga magagaling na bata, mabilis lang nila masolve. Meron naman ang tagal-tagal nauubusan ka na ng pasensya. Meron namang paulit-ulit ka dapat ng instructions.
Yung behavioral observation, dito mo sasabihin yung mga nakita mo sa bata during your session. Halimbawa, lacks eye contact, has difficulty sitting still, does not follow instructions. Minsan mahaba ang behavioral observation. May mga masaya kasing pangyayari kagaya ng magtatatakbo yung bata sa testing room o kaya naman iiyak sya at magsisigaw o kaya babato nya sa yo yung mga lapis na inabot mo sa kanya. Parang tinetest ka din, test ng patience at creativity mo. One more thing I learned, positive reinforcement. Ang pagbibigay sa bata ng compliment o simpleng pagsasabi ng good job ay nakakabuti para matandaan nila yung mga behavior na dapat nilang ginagawa. It doesn't just apply to kids with special needs, maski sa mga regular na bata.
Sa bahaging recommendations, kailangan creative ka. Halimbawa yung bata ay may speech delay, ang marerecommend mo para sa kanya, turuan sya ng nanay nya ng songs o kaya kausapin nya habang gumagawa sya ng gawaing bahay. For example, magwawalis ng bahay, sasabihin ni mommy sa anak nya kung ano ang tawag sa walis, tapos ipapaulit nya or kung magluluto sasabihin nya yung mga ingredients. Mga simpleng bagay na pwede nilang gawin sa bahay. Malaki talaga yung role ng parents at mga kasama sa bahay sa isang child with special needs.
Madugo isulat ang mga reports.Nung una bumabalik sa min ng panay red marks. Dapat daw kasi yung gagamitin mong mga salita yung madali lang maintindihan. Wag yung masyadong technical, dahil syempre mga nanay kadalasan yung babasa at hindi naman lahat sila mataas ang napag-aralan. Pero ewan ko din kung bakit English pinapasulat sa min. Una, isusulat kamay ko muna ang draft ng reports tapos itatype ko pag-uwi. Eh habang tinatype ko, ineedit ko pa, kaya inuumaga na ko sa kakagawa ng reports. Ang trabaho ng intern ay hindi natatapos sa uwian. Dito ako nakaexperience na basta basta na lang ako nakakatulog sa byahe. Kadalasan 4-5 hrs lang ang tulog ko nun.
So ayun ang internship. Gusto ko sanang maging career na ang pagiging clinician pero nagbago isip ko. Enough na rin naman na nakapag-white uniform ako minsan, masubukan man lang. And that's it for today's post. Tignan natin kung ano isusulat ko bukas.
Sabi ko nga sa una kong post, my childhood dream is to become a doctor. At ayun nga, di ko nga keri yun kasi sobrang madiriin ako. So malamang di ko kayang kumatay-- sorry, mag-disect ng palaka, pusa at tao. I gave it up around high school ata. After giving up on that dream, kahit minsan di ko na naisip that I would ever have a chance to work at the hospital setting. Nung college, Behavioral Sciences yung course ko. Bakit? Eh kasi before we took the UPCAT, sabi sa 'min write ANY non-quota course, so just you could get into the university, since yung first year daw panay GE naman so di naman masasayang if you are going to shift. I wrote that kasi medyo interesado ako nun sa Psychology, yung mga personality tests. Mababaw lang actually yung pagkakaintindi ko sa course eh. Second choice ko Organizational Communication. Wala lang, may communication kasing nakalagay eh feeling ko nun, madaldal ako ng sobra at gusto kong mahasa yung mga communication skills ko.
Pero gusto ko talaga at that time Accounting. Labo no, sabi ko ayoko na Math, pero enjoy ko kasi yung Accounting subject namin nung high school. So sabi ko parang masaya sya. Wala naman sine/cosine, tangent, atbp dun sa subject namin, debit/credit lang, t-account, mga ganyan. Sinulat ko naman din yun sa application ko sa second choice campus , first choice program.
Nung first year, binagsak ko yung Math 11 ko. Algebra yun eh. Sumasali pa nga ako sa peer review nun para lang makapasa ako. Kaso sadyang di ako magaling sa paghahanap nung mga nawawalang value ng x, y, z. Saka di ko magrasp kung anong sense nung mga fraction na fraction ang numerator at denominator. At pre-requisite lang naman sya ng higher Math subjects na kailangan ko itake para makashift ako. So ayun di na ko nag-shift. Okay na rin naman, napatunayan ko lang di na talaga ako magaling sa numero so wag ko na nga pahirapan yung sarili ko. I stayed sa Beh Sci. Nadiscuss naman namin yung mga personality tests na gusto ko dati at marami pang iba.
Since UP Manila ako, exposed kami sa PGH sa simula pa lang. Nung una, daanan lang namin sya papunta sa ibang colleges, pag papasok sa P.E. o kaya pupunta sa University Library. Yung college ko, yung CAS, kami lang yung kaisa-isang hindi "white college" sa Manila. Yung Allied Medical Professions, Nursing, Pharmacy, Public Health, Medicine lahat sila naka-uniform ng puti. Marami sa classmates ko pre-med nila yung undergrad. So eventually, they are going to wear white.
At that time, di ko alam yung gusto ko gawin sa buhay ko eh. During our orientation and halos lahat ng professors namin during my stay sa program sinabi na maganda yung course. You can go anywhere, pwedeng HR, pwedeng research, pre-med, pre-law, clinical, academe. Eh nakakaoverwhelm naman, daming choices parang buffet. At that time sabi ko sa sarili ko, basta itutuloy ko na nga lang. Saka na ko mag-iisip kung ano gagawin ko sa buhay ko.
Nasabi ko kanina na nakapagtrabaho ako sa hospital setting di ba? If you are thinking na tinuloy ko yung pangarap kong maging doktor, eh pakibatukan ang mga sarili nyo. Eh sinabi ko ngang hindi, di ba??? Well, yung trabaho ko sa ospital, internship yun.
During our third year, basta na lang kaming hinati sa tatlong grupo. Tapos inassign sa min yung magiging practicum/ojt namin. Clinical, HR at NGO/Research. Di ko alam kung bakit ako napalagay sa Clinical setting. Di naman siguro grades ang basehan, kasi yung mga sobrang tataas ng grades in preparation for UP College of Med, napunta naman sa iba-ibang setting. Siguro totoo yung tsismis na may roleta dun sa department.
Di madali ang makapasok na intern sa UP-PGH. UP students lang kadalasan ang tinatanggap. Inassign kami sa Department of Rehab Med. Di yun para sa mga adik ha. Rehabilitation Medicine, para sa mga na-stroke, naaksidente at mga children with special needs at persons with disability. Kasama namin dun yung mga Occupational Therapists, Speech Therapists, at Physical Therapists.
Bago kami magsimula ng training namin dun, may written exam at interview pa. For formality lang naman daw. Yung clinical supervisor kasi namin dun, alumna ng course namin. So pasalamat daw kami, dahil yung mga dating intern daw dun naka-assign sa infamous Ward 7. Anong andun? Dun yung department of mental health. Tuwing umaga, may nakatambay sa bintana ng ward nila tapos kumakanta ng Lupang Hinirang, tapos normal lang yung may nagsisisigaw at nagwawala sa loob. .
Very strict yung CS namin, si Ma'am Elaine. Tama lang naman, kasi natuto talaga kami. At hanga talaga ako sa galing nya. So isang summer kami dun, and we need to complete 100 hrs ata or more. Di ko na masyado matandaan. Particular si Ma'am Elaine sa attendance, at para walang dayaan, binigyan kaming lahat ng time card. Natuwa ako dun eh. Very old school. As in pagdating mo sa ospital, punta kang bundy clock, dun ang time in. Sa pagkakaalam naming lahat, dadalawa lang ang bundy clock sa buong PGH. Isa sa central block, isa sa OPD. So ikaw bahala kung san mo gusto, pareho naman silang malayo. Required din ang uniform na kulay puti. Dun mo mararamdaman na kapag nakaputi kang palakad-lakad sa PGH, iba ang dating mo sa mga tao. Madalas kang mapagtanungan kung san po ba yung pharmacy, yung ward ganito, yung MSS. Parang tingin nila sa yo isa kang naglalakad na GPS.
Yung first two weeks ko sa internship, nagrarounds ako sa inpatient. Well, medyo boring sya eh. Araw-araw mo silang pupuntahan, kukumustahin, magpapagawa ka ng activity at tapos susulat ka ng report. May tatlo akong pasyente nun. Si Ate Weng, na may spinal injury; si Manong Soldier na nakalimutan ko na yung pangalan, Korean war veteran, spinal injury din sya; at si Kuya Masungit (nalimutan ko na din ang pangalan) na merong rheumatic heart disease. Yun ang gagawin ko sa morning. Saglit lang naman ang rounds mga 15-20 mins lang per patient.
Ang gawain naman ng psychologist sa rounds, di naman gaya ng sa doktor or nurse. Di naman kami trained to get the patient's BP or temperature or magpainom ng gamot. What we do is we talk with the patient. Kung ano ang nararamdaman nya sa kasalukyan nyang sitwasyon, kung ano ang mga namimiss nya habang nasa ospital, mga plano nya sa paglabas nya. Madalas kwentuhan lang ang ginagawa sa rounds, pero minsan may games din akong naiisip. Pag Wednesday nun may group therapy ung buong ward. Lahat ng interns iisip ng gimik, ng laro. Kailangan susulat ka pa nyan ng proposal, kailangan may objectives.
Challenge si Kuya Masungit, dahil araw-araw na lang tuwing pupuntahan ko lagi syang galit. Parang ang reaksyon nya sa kin, andito ka na naman, dami dami mong tanong. Isa pang challenge dahil si Kuya sa ward 1 nakaconfine. Di ko maalala kung ano ang ward 1 pero pag papasok ako dun halos masuka ako sa amoy ng gamot. Smells like death in there, seryoso. Eh di naman ako nagsusuot ng mask dahil baka mas masungitan nya ko. Sabihin pa nya nandidiri ako eh hindi naman nakakahawa yung sakit nya. Ayun bago matapos ang internship ko, sumalangit nawa na si kuya. Pagdating ko na lang isang araw, sabi ng nurse, expired na daw yung patient sa bed 1. Expired, ibig sabihin namatay na.
Yun ang gawain namin sa morning. Sa hapon naman magsusulat kami ng reports na isasubmit the next day at ilalagay sa chart na patient. Minsan naman nag-aassist kami sa SpEd classes. May summer lessons dun yung SpEd kids. Generally, di ako mahilig sa bata. Ayoko ng maingay at ng magugulo at pasaway. Pero sa mga panahong ito, natuwa ako sa kanila. Nakakatuwa silang subaybayan araw-araw. Bago magsimula ang klase with their SpEd teachers, kakanta kami ng circle time. Importante sa mga kids with special needs ang routine. Dapat kung ano yung ginagawa nila ganun ng ganun araw araw. We are trying to start a habit, parang ganun.
Madaming cute na bata pala dun. Si RR, si Joana, si Anton, si Raine, si Jao, si Pat. Bawat intern may kanya kanyang favorite na bata. Iba-iba sila ng cases. Merong may hearing impairment, mental retardation, autism, ADHD. Dun ko nakita yung mga bagay na nababasa ko lang sa libro.
Nung nagrotation na, dun naman ako sa outpatient.Basically, pupunta ang patient sa ospital for assessment at therapy. Assessment, ibig sabihin gagawan namin sila ng psychological report. Ang isang psychological report ay naglalaman ng case history, behavioral observation, test results at recommendations. Yung patient history, kinukuha yan sa nanay/tatay/guardian sa pamamagitan ng interview. Tatanong mo lang yung buong pangalan, birthday, pangalan ng magulang, mga naging sakit, kung na-ospital, observation ng magulang na nagtulak sa kanilang dalhin yung bata sa ospital.
Habang ginagawa mo yung interview sa parent, aaliwin mo yung bata, hindi talent show level ha. Ang ginagawa ko bibigyan ko sya ng papel, lapis, crayons tapos pasusulatin ko halimbawa ng pangalan, tatanungin ko kung asan yung ganito at ganyang kulay. Kunwari, ganun ganun lang yun pero ang totoo, binibigay ko na sa bata ang una nyang test. VABS (Vineland Adaptive Behavior Scale) ang gamit dun. Yun ay pangmeasure ng kakayahan ng isang bata sa ADT (activities of daily living) halimbawa ang isang batang 7 years old ay kaya nang gumamit ng gunting. Kadalasan ginagamit to determine mental retardation tong test na to. Actually, isa syang checklist. Tapos may score kung gaano kadami ang nakacheck.
Usually, binibigyan din sila ng IQ test, depende sa edad nung bata. Yung isang test na ginagamit namin yung WISC-R (Weschler Intelligence Scale for Children- Revised Edition). Yung isa di ko na matandaan. Ayun K-ABC (Kaufman Assessment Battery for Children) pala. Ang problema nga lang sa mga iq test na yan, may parts na culture bias sila. Pero masaya silang iadminister. May isang part dun na pabubuuuin mo ng puzzle yung mga bata tapos may time limit. Merong mga magagaling na bata, mabilis lang nila masolve. Meron naman ang tagal-tagal nauubusan ka na ng pasensya. Meron namang paulit-ulit ka dapat ng instructions.
Yung behavioral observation, dito mo sasabihin yung mga nakita mo sa bata during your session. Halimbawa, lacks eye contact, has difficulty sitting still, does not follow instructions. Minsan mahaba ang behavioral observation. May mga masaya kasing pangyayari kagaya ng magtatatakbo yung bata sa testing room o kaya naman iiyak sya at magsisigaw o kaya babato nya sa yo yung mga lapis na inabot mo sa kanya. Parang tinetest ka din, test ng patience at creativity mo. One more thing I learned, positive reinforcement. Ang pagbibigay sa bata ng compliment o simpleng pagsasabi ng good job ay nakakabuti para matandaan nila yung mga behavior na dapat nilang ginagawa. It doesn't just apply to kids with special needs, maski sa mga regular na bata.
Sa bahaging recommendations, kailangan creative ka. Halimbawa yung bata ay may speech delay, ang marerecommend mo para sa kanya, turuan sya ng nanay nya ng songs o kaya kausapin nya habang gumagawa sya ng gawaing bahay. For example, magwawalis ng bahay, sasabihin ni mommy sa anak nya kung ano ang tawag sa walis, tapos ipapaulit nya or kung magluluto sasabihin nya yung mga ingredients. Mga simpleng bagay na pwede nilang gawin sa bahay. Malaki talaga yung role ng parents at mga kasama sa bahay sa isang child with special needs.
Madugo isulat ang mga reports.Nung una bumabalik sa min ng panay red marks. Dapat daw kasi yung gagamitin mong mga salita yung madali lang maintindihan. Wag yung masyadong technical, dahil syempre mga nanay kadalasan yung babasa at hindi naman lahat sila mataas ang napag-aralan. Pero ewan ko din kung bakit English pinapasulat sa min. Una, isusulat kamay ko muna ang draft ng reports tapos itatype ko pag-uwi. Eh habang tinatype ko, ineedit ko pa, kaya inuumaga na ko sa kakagawa ng reports. Ang trabaho ng intern ay hindi natatapos sa uwian. Dito ako nakaexperience na basta basta na lang ako nakakatulog sa byahe. Kadalasan 4-5 hrs lang ang tulog ko nun.
So ayun ang internship. Gusto ko sanang maging career na ang pagiging clinician pero nagbago isip ko. Enough na rin naman na nakapag-white uniform ako minsan, masubukan man lang. And that's it for today's post. Tignan natin kung ano isusulat ko bukas.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
30-day challenge day 4
First Love. Eh kung binasa nyo ang day 1, malamang alam mong NBSB ako. Pero love naman ang pinag-uusapan di naman relationship.
I thought I had my first love at 15. Pero it turned out that was just a teenage thing. Ang drama drama ko pa nun. Unrequited love chever chever. Close kasi kami nun eh, groupmates sa mga project tapos commander ko pa sya sa CAT. Tapos natuwa akong makagraduate kasi di ko na kaya makita sya. Parang I can now forget about you blah blah. I even wrote a novelette about it, which I lost the copy. Matagal na din akong di nagpapakita sa taong un, mga 2 years. Eh kasi pinagtataguan ko. Baliktad na mundo, sya na ang humahabol (haba ng hair ko. eh sya naman may sabi nun) The thing is, the cute high school boys don't always grow up to be the most desirable men.
Pero yung first love ko talaga, 20 years old ako. Yung sinasabi nilang spark, in hindsight, I had that when I met him. Ang corny pero totoo. There's a moment in your life when you meet someone and you know that, that someone would make a difference. Una, wala kaming ginawa kundi mag-asaran, eh KSP ata talaga sya nun eh. Barahan lang, sagutan sa email (wala ym sa citibank). We grew close hanggang sa kahit wala na kami sa office, usapan pa rin sa text, sa personal ym. We started talking about personal problems, family, ganyan. Tapos lumalabas labas kami ng kami lang dalawa. Kung ikukwento ko lahat, baka day 30 na di pa tapos.
We were never actually together. Eh kasi para sa kin di sya nanligaw kasi wala naman syang sinabi that he likes me or something. He's not touchy either. Paborito nya lang kurutin yung ilong ko. I don't remember most details kung paano natapos ang lahat, pero basta I just assumed he changed his mind about me. So ayun, I stopped talking to him. Recently lang naman akong pumapayag sumama sya sa mga lakad with our common friends. Pero kahit ganun ramdam ko may friction, eh kasi di ako kinakausap. Pag kakausapin ko naman parang di ako matignan.
Minsan ko syang nasabihang, "Sorry, I'm not my best self around you." Di ba ang drama drama ko lang eh kasi naman magyayaya lumabas sasama nya pa yung babaeng ka-close nya na natsismis na niligawan nya pero may boyfriend at present. Friend ko naman si girl, pero feeling ko, ano ako dito chaperone? Di ko nga sila kinausap hanggang uwian. Nagalit sa kin si guy, parang tanga daw ako. Kaya ayun sinabi ko sa kanya ang linyang yun. Naguilty naman ako sa kagagahan ko, kasi ang rude nga naman ng dating ko. Ginusto ko bumawi, kaso ayaw. Di wag kaya pinalampas ko na lang.
Well, di ko naman sya madalas maalala. Masyado akong madaming edit para isipin sya (masipag kunwari) pero pag naaalala ko sya, may dramahan talagang nagaganap. How could you forget a guy na halos kidnapin ka to watch fireworks kasi naisipan nya lang? o yung binigyan ka ng stuffed toy na aso having decided against a real one dahil sabi mo pag namatay, iiyak ka lang? o yung anim na madaling araw mong nakasama sa simbang gabi?
So ayun, kelan kaya dadating yung second love?
I thought I had my first love at 15. Pero it turned out that was just a teenage thing. Ang drama drama ko pa nun. Unrequited love chever chever. Close kasi kami nun eh, groupmates sa mga project tapos commander ko pa sya sa CAT. Tapos natuwa akong makagraduate kasi di ko na kaya makita sya. Parang I can now forget about you blah blah. I even wrote a novelette about it, which I lost the copy. Matagal na din akong di nagpapakita sa taong un, mga 2 years. Eh kasi pinagtataguan ko. Baliktad na mundo, sya na ang humahabol (haba ng hair ko. eh sya naman may sabi nun) The thing is, the cute high school boys don't always grow up to be the most desirable men.
Pero yung first love ko talaga, 20 years old ako. Yung sinasabi nilang spark, in hindsight, I had that when I met him. Ang corny pero totoo. There's a moment in your life when you meet someone and you know that, that someone would make a difference. Una, wala kaming ginawa kundi mag-asaran, eh KSP ata talaga sya nun eh. Barahan lang, sagutan sa email (wala ym sa citibank). We grew close hanggang sa kahit wala na kami sa office, usapan pa rin sa text, sa personal ym. We started talking about personal problems, family, ganyan. Tapos lumalabas labas kami ng kami lang dalawa. Kung ikukwento ko lahat, baka day 30 na di pa tapos.
We were never actually together. Eh kasi para sa kin di sya nanligaw kasi wala naman syang sinabi that he likes me or something. He's not touchy either. Paborito nya lang kurutin yung ilong ko. I don't remember most details kung paano natapos ang lahat, pero basta I just assumed he changed his mind about me. So ayun, I stopped talking to him. Recently lang naman akong pumapayag sumama sya sa mga lakad with our common friends. Pero kahit ganun ramdam ko may friction, eh kasi di ako kinakausap. Pag kakausapin ko naman parang di ako matignan.
Minsan ko syang nasabihang, "Sorry, I'm not my best self around you." Di ba ang drama drama ko lang eh kasi naman magyayaya lumabas sasama nya pa yung babaeng ka-close nya na natsismis na niligawan nya pero may boyfriend at present. Friend ko naman si girl, pero feeling ko, ano ako dito chaperone? Di ko nga sila kinausap hanggang uwian. Nagalit sa kin si guy, parang tanga daw ako. Kaya ayun sinabi ko sa kanya ang linyang yun. Naguilty naman ako sa kagagahan ko, kasi ang rude nga naman ng dating ko. Ginusto ko bumawi, kaso ayaw. Di wag kaya pinalampas ko na lang.
Well, di ko naman sya madalas maalala. Masyado akong madaming edit para isipin sya (masipag kunwari) pero pag naaalala ko sya, may dramahan talagang nagaganap. How could you forget a guy na halos kidnapin ka to watch fireworks kasi naisipan nya lang? o yung binigyan ka ng stuffed toy na aso having decided against a real one dahil sabi mo pag namatay, iiyak ka lang? o yung anim na madaling araw mong nakasama sa simbang gabi?
So ayun, kelan kaya dadating yung second love?
30-day challenge day 3
I skipped 2 days. Hehehehe. I'm not really good at things that you're supposed to do everyday. Di ko ngang magawang magconditioner araw araw. Tagalugin na nga to. Dumudugo na ilong ko eh. Hahaha (saka na nga lang makwento kung bakit English ako magsulat)
So nicknames daw.
RJ talaga ako sa bahay, sa mga pinsan, sa mga kababata, mga kamag-anak. Eh kasi initials yun ng pangalan ko. Rowan Joselle. Kaso when our bunso was younger,di nya mapronounce, wala syang letter R he could only say Adeyl. So yung mga unggoy kong kapatid ginagaya or ginagawan ng variation plus the fact na mahilig sila magbaby talk sa bahay.
During elementary, they call me Joselle, second name which I hate. Eh kasi pag sinabi ng teacher Row 1, ako lang mag-isa nagrerecite. Kesa naman everytime tatanong namin kung kaming lahat ba o ako lang, so ayun Joselle na lang daw. Eh di sige.
During high school it's Rowan. Yung classmates ko tamad, Row lang or Rows. Until college, I still introduce myself as such. One friend call me Wan. Sya lang naman. Sya ang pinakaclose ko for 4 yrs.
Sa first job ko, nauso si Marimar. One officemate, si Paoster, started calling me that eh kasi daw kulot ako. Lahat na gumaya. Yung isa naman tawag sa kin Curly Tops. One guy tawag sa kin for a while Joyce, kamukha ko daw si Joyce Jimenez (siya may sabi nyan). Pero mas madami pa rin silang tawag sa kin Rowan, Roe, Rowie.
Sa CIQ, still pretty much Rowan. Pero may isang mabait kung anu-ano lang maisipang itawag. Who/what the hell is Gundina?
So nicknames daw.
RJ talaga ako sa bahay, sa mga pinsan, sa mga kababata, mga kamag-anak. Eh kasi initials yun ng pangalan ko. Rowan Joselle. Kaso when our bunso was younger,di nya mapronounce, wala syang letter R he could only say Adeyl. So yung mga unggoy kong kapatid ginagaya or ginagawan ng variation plus the fact na mahilig sila magbaby talk sa bahay.
During elementary, they call me Joselle, second name which I hate. Eh kasi pag sinabi ng teacher Row 1, ako lang mag-isa nagrerecite. Kesa naman everytime tatanong namin kung kaming lahat ba o ako lang, so ayun Joselle na lang daw. Eh di sige.
During high school it's Rowan. Yung classmates ko tamad, Row lang or Rows. Until college, I still introduce myself as such. One friend call me Wan. Sya lang naman. Sya ang pinakaclose ko for 4 yrs.
Sa first job ko, nauso si Marimar. One officemate, si Paoster, started calling me that eh kasi daw kulot ako. Lahat na gumaya. Yung isa naman tawag sa kin Curly Tops. One guy tawag sa kin for a while Joyce, kamukha ko daw si Joyce Jimenez (siya may sabi nyan). Pero mas madami pa rin silang tawag sa kin Rowan, Roe, Rowie.
Sa CIQ, still pretty much Rowan. Pero may isang mabait kung anu-ano lang maisipang itawag. Who/what the hell is Gundina?
Friday, September 2, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
30- day challenge day 1
so how do we start this. there is only one word to describe my attempt at keeping a blog- failure. i have created about 4 or 5 blogs to date. at this point, all of them are either forgotten, never written in or ignored. yet again, here's another attempt. thanks to reginald uy (follow @reduy on Twitter). one suggested topic for each day of the month, let'see if we can get to day 30.
day 1 introduce yourself
Introduce yourself. This sentence, as well as its derivative tell me something about yourself, poses rather a lot of problems for me especially when asked during a job interview because i don't know where to start and i cannot contain how wonderful (chos) i am in a few sentences
born on mar 27, 1987 eldest of four. my parents consider me stubborn and very temperamental. i am quite talkative when among friends but i am actually an introvert.
not let's get to interesting facts about me
1. i love countdowns,checklists, anniversaries (of anything like next week it's 2 years of wearing braces) and odd numbers. on the other hand, i hate long lines, split ends and algebra...calculus, trigonometry, fractions, decimals. okay, i don't like math in general
2. i haven't had softdrinks and chips (chichirya) for a long time (7 yrs). at McDonald's, i only eat sundaes (everything else makes me gag). and i have never tasted anything alcoholic (except green cross, haha). i don't like raisins. i'm crazy for sweets but caffeine gives me headaches (sorry, chocolates)
3. it is very seldom that i listen to music but i enjoy videoke sessions. i used to only like classics (read:mozart bach and others, so geek). it follows that i don't know how to play any musical instruments
4. i read a lot. i collect stephen king books and like to scare myself after reading them. the woman who had two navels by nick joaquin still puzzles me, maybe i need to read it again. i have no intention of reading the harry potter or twilight books.
5. my favorite movies include animated ones like finding nemo and kungfu panda. when i like a particular movie, i watch it more than once.
6. i love taking pictures, mostly of myself. so much for vanity
7. i love pets. over the years, i've had several cats, dogs, hamsters.
8. i keep a spiral notebook where i write ideas and lines that i could probably evolve into a short story for later. i also write poetry every once in a while. i also love reading them. pablo neruda's sonnet XXvii is one of my all-time favorites.
9. i started walking alone at 9-plus months. average babies walk at one year (yabang). one of my first memories is the 1990 earthquake and the sound of my dad's leather shoes on gravel.
10.my childhood dream is to become a doctor. i get toy stethoscopes for christmas instead of barbies.i used to sew clothes for my dolls but i forgot if i ever wanted to be a fashion designer.
11. i never had a boyfriend (for applications please email resumes to...haha)
12. i bake on my spare time. i make mean brownies. but i have never made a decent cheesecake so i need to practice that more.
13. i have never been hospitalized but have had 3 operations due to my third molars, the 3rd one under general anesthesia and performed by a maxillofacial surgeon in PGH outpatient department.
14. i can't swim or drive. my dad once said, "yung bike mo pagsakay mo napatakbo mo agad, di mo na inaral. bakit di ka matutong magmaneho," or something like that
15. last interesting fact that i want to share: this is probably the first and last post that i will ever write for the next 30 days.
day 1 introduce yourself
Introduce yourself. This sentence, as well as its derivative tell me something about yourself, poses rather a lot of problems for me especially when asked during a job interview because i don't know where to start and i cannot contain how wonderful (chos) i am in a few sentences
born on mar 27, 1987 eldest of four. my parents consider me stubborn and very temperamental. i am quite talkative when among friends but i am actually an introvert.
not let's get to interesting facts about me
1. i love countdowns,checklists, anniversaries (of anything like next week it's 2 years of wearing braces) and odd numbers. on the other hand, i hate long lines, split ends and algebra...calculus, trigonometry, fractions, decimals. okay, i don't like math in general
2. i haven't had softdrinks and chips (chichirya) for a long time (7 yrs). at McDonald's, i only eat sundaes (everything else makes me gag). and i have never tasted anything alcoholic (except green cross, haha). i don't like raisins. i'm crazy for sweets but caffeine gives me headaches (sorry, chocolates)
3. it is very seldom that i listen to music but i enjoy videoke sessions. i used to only like classics (read:mozart bach and others, so geek). it follows that i don't know how to play any musical instruments
4. i read a lot. i collect stephen king books and like to scare myself after reading them. the woman who had two navels by nick joaquin still puzzles me, maybe i need to read it again. i have no intention of reading the harry potter or twilight books.
5. my favorite movies include animated ones like finding nemo and kungfu panda. when i like a particular movie, i watch it more than once.
6. i love taking pictures, mostly of myself. so much for vanity
7. i love pets. over the years, i've had several cats, dogs, hamsters.
8. i keep a spiral notebook where i write ideas and lines that i could probably evolve into a short story for later. i also write poetry every once in a while. i also love reading them. pablo neruda's sonnet XXvii is one of my all-time favorites.
9. i started walking alone at 9-plus months. average babies walk at one year (yabang). one of my first memories is the 1990 earthquake and the sound of my dad's leather shoes on gravel.
10.my childhood dream is to become a doctor. i get toy stethoscopes for christmas instead of barbies.i used to sew clothes for my dolls but i forgot if i ever wanted to be a fashion designer.
11. i never had a boyfriend (for applications please email resumes to...haha)
12. i bake on my spare time. i make mean brownies. but i have never made a decent cheesecake so i need to practice that more.
13. i have never been hospitalized but have had 3 operations due to my third molars, the 3rd one under general anesthesia and performed by a maxillofacial surgeon in PGH outpatient department.
14. i can't swim or drive. my dad once said, "yung bike mo pagsakay mo napatakbo mo agad, di mo na inaral. bakit di ka matutong magmaneho," or something like that
15. last interesting fact that i want to share: this is probably the first and last post that i will ever write for the next 30 days.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
ice cream for breakfast
ice cream for breakfast
water in my windpipe
i coughed repeatedly
it is early morning,still wide awake
i've been thinking of you yesterday
why would you send an empty text message
and not answer when i ask you why?
you're puzzling me again
just assumed you were missing me
even if i saw you just a few weeks ago
it has been years
since we were actually ourselves
water in my windpipe
i coughed repeatedly
it is early morning,still wide awake
i've been thinking of you yesterday
why would you send an empty text message
and not answer when i ask you why?
you're puzzling me again
just assumed you were missing me
even if i saw you just a few weeks ago
it has been years
since we were actually ourselves
Sunday, January 30, 2011
El Modelo
I am an educated woman with a decent job who can pose for beautiful photos without trying to be somebody I'm not.What is a freelance model? You say you are one but I tell you I am not. It is just a label. It doesn't make me less interesting if I don't call myself one. I think we are all models aren't we? All of us who ever appeared in a photograph. We pose sometimes just by ourselves,with family,friends,pets, nature, inanimate objects. We advocate life in every smile, every frown, every other emotion caught on camera. We advertise the strength of the human soul in every snap shot. So what is the point in calling yourself a freelance model? Just to get attention? Me? I don't need to beg for it. I get if just by being myself,just being that unique individual that God created. You are nothing but pathetic. My heart goes out to you
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Time Capsule Part 3
"But are you sure, you want to open that? It's not ours," Stephen tested. Suddenly, he felt like not wanting to cooperate in his niece's new game.
"But we found it in our garden, so that makes it ours," the little girl smartly answered. "Besides,how will we know who it belongs to if we don't open it," she added.
It turned out that picking the lock wasn't easy. Stephen realized
that he didn't just lack the tools but the skills as well to pick the lock,especially because he has never tried breaking and entering before. When he gets locked out of the house for going home very late, he would just climb up the window in his room, which he always forgets to close. That habit went on until his late father decided that he needed a key of his own lest they wanted other people to be climbing up an open window.
He had suggested a screwdriver but this wasn't possible. They didn't own one that is small enough. The tip of the smallest screwdriver in his brother in law's tookit barely fit the keyhole. Jamie asked him if he could open the lock with a hairclip. Stephen only smiled. So this is what babysitting kids with the TV does. Children just think that things are always that simple.Yes, a hairclip can be used to pick a lock but it needed time and skill and patience, all of which he doesn't have. He wanted to lecture the kid on this, instead he said," I don't know how."
"So we can't open it?" the girl asked, looking heartbroken again.
"I can't pick the lock," he said truthfully. "But maybe we can saw it into half or hammer it til it breaks so we can open the box," he suggested. He figured, it might even be easier this way since the lock looked old and rusty.
Jamie reached for the tool kit, which was beside them the whole time, and scrambled for a hammer. "You think I can break it?" she asked, holding the hammer with both hands.
"But we found it in our garden, so that makes it ours," the little girl smartly answered. "Besides,how will we know who it belongs to if we don't open it," she added.
It turned out that picking the lock wasn't easy. Stephen realized
that he didn't just lack the tools but the skills as well to pick the lock,especially because he has never tried breaking and entering before. When he gets locked out of the house for going home very late, he would just climb up the window in his room, which he always forgets to close. That habit went on until his late father decided that he needed a key of his own lest they wanted other people to be climbing up an open window.
He had suggested a screwdriver but this wasn't possible. They didn't own one that is small enough. The tip of the smallest screwdriver in his brother in law's tookit barely fit the keyhole. Jamie asked him if he could open the lock with a hairclip. Stephen only smiled. So this is what babysitting kids with the TV does. Children just think that things are always that simple.Yes, a hairclip can be used to pick a lock but it needed time and skill and patience, all of which he doesn't have. He wanted to lecture the kid on this, instead he said," I don't know how."
"So we can't open it?" the girl asked, looking heartbroken again.
"I can't pick the lock," he said truthfully. "But maybe we can saw it into half or hammer it til it breaks so we can open the box," he suggested. He figured, it might even be easier this way since the lock looked old and rusty.
Jamie reached for the tool kit, which was beside them the whole time, and scrambled for a hammer. "You think I can break it?" she asked, holding the hammer with both hands.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Fear Factor
She was afraid of snakes or a more apt description is terrified. Fear is something inherent to all humans. Some scientists have proven that it is necessary for survival. Man's fear of creatures bigger and stronger than him must have kept him from becoming extinct.
And why was she here in the first place? It all started with an invitation, one that asked her to spend a day at the zoo. She did not expect that kind of invitation from him. He was against putting animals in a cage for entertainment purposes. He was also a vegan, something he would have explained if not for her reluctance to listen. She would have turned the invitation down, if not for the words," I just wanted to spend time alone with you."
Seeing that animal wrapped around his neck made her feel uncomfortable, as if anytime that might just decide to strangle him. It was a phyton. Holding the orangutan, with the diapers, Crocs and a name that made her laugh because it was the name of somebody she knew, was all right. He was harmless, and reminded her of a child with Down's syndrome, also they were primates, man's distant relative.She never will like snakes unless they are processed leather goods already. In the bible, it was written that the serpent to deceived Eve and tempted her into eating the forbidden fruit.A snake in the grass is a sneaky person not meant to be trusted.
"Smile!" the zoo personnel holding the camera for them said. He was having his picture taken with the phyton. She was scared, unwilling to step close.
"Come on, it won't bite," he cajoled with a deceiving smile on his face.
"If you let that near me, I'll scream!" she thretened.
"It's all right to scream, ma'am" the personnel joined. She rolled her eyeballs.
After that incident, she discovered something that was to her advantage. He was scared of dogs. How could a guy like this one be cared of man's best friend? She could just laugh. He who's not afraid of the phyton is afraid of a furry little creature that resembled Nello's dog in The Dog of Flanders, a cartoon she watched as a kid. Fear is something inherent to humans but we tend to fear some things and not the others. What are you afraid of?
And why was she here in the first place? It all started with an invitation, one that asked her to spend a day at the zoo. She did not expect that kind of invitation from him. He was against putting animals in a cage for entertainment purposes. He was also a vegan, something he would have explained if not for her reluctance to listen. She would have turned the invitation down, if not for the words," I just wanted to spend time alone with you."
Seeing that animal wrapped around his neck made her feel uncomfortable, as if anytime that might just decide to strangle him. It was a phyton. Holding the orangutan, with the diapers, Crocs and a name that made her laugh because it was the name of somebody she knew, was all right. He was harmless, and reminded her of a child with Down's syndrome, also they were primates, man's distant relative.She never will like snakes unless they are processed leather goods already. In the bible, it was written that the serpent to deceived Eve and tempted her into eating the forbidden fruit.A snake in the grass is a sneaky person not meant to be trusted.
"Smile!" the zoo personnel holding the camera for them said. He was having his picture taken with the phyton. She was scared, unwilling to step close.
"Come on, it won't bite," he cajoled with a deceiving smile on his face.
"If you let that near me, I'll scream!" she thretened.
"It's all right to scream, ma'am" the personnel joined. She rolled her eyeballs.
After that incident, she discovered something that was to her advantage. He was scared of dogs. How could a guy like this one be cared of man's best friend? She could just laugh. He who's not afraid of the phyton is afraid of a furry little creature that resembled Nello's dog in The Dog of Flanders, a cartoon she watched as a kid. Fear is something inherent to humans but we tend to fear some things and not the others. What are you afraid of?
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Time Capsule Part 2
Stephen handed the box to his niece. Jamie put Peter's coffin aside. It was a wooden box It was, of course, all covered with dirt. There wasn't anything extraordinary about it. It might have been a jewelry box once, he guessed. On the lid, there was a monogram engraved.It was locked.
"What could be in it?" Jamie wondered. She was trying to break the lock. She shook and something rattled inside.
Stephen shrugged his shoulders to indicate that he didn't know. "Let's just finish Peter's funeral, then find out," he suggested.Remembering what they were actually doing in the garden in the first place saddened Jamie's face. For a while there, she forgot about Peter. She let go of the box and picked up Peter's coffin.
They buried Peter on the hole he digged. The hole was just big enough to be the fish's final resting place. He placed the box there.Jamie helped him cover up the hole. "Can you say a few words, please" the girl requested. He wanted to laugh again. He has never presided over a funeral before, and a fish's at that.
Still he said, "To Peter, who have joined his creator. You have been a great friend and will be greatly missed."He heard little Jamie sob. He was glad there was nobody else at home. That speech could have won him a lot of attention for days.Attention that would include name calling and laughing.
"Now that, that's over let's go wash up." He held the girl by the hand and led her towards the house.
"The box," Jamie said, losing free of his grip and picked it up from where she left it a few moments ago."How are we going to open it?" she inquired. This time it was she who took his hand and led him towards the house.
"It's easy to pick, I think," he answered. It wasn't a complicated lock. A handy screw driver or a hammer may do. He saw something sparkle in the child's eye. Poor Peter, already forgotten. Maybe everyone of us likes mystery in one form or another. Puzzles, detective stories and the like. We like to be intrigued. We like our minds to be challenged.
"How long will it take?" There was excitement on her voice. So much like when she's about to open her presents during Christmas or her birthday.
"Not long," Stephen answered.
>>to be continued
"What could be in it?" Jamie wondered. She was trying to break the lock. She shook and something rattled inside.
Stephen shrugged his shoulders to indicate that he didn't know. "Let's just finish Peter's funeral, then find out," he suggested.Remembering what they were actually doing in the garden in the first place saddened Jamie's face. For a while there, she forgot about Peter. She let go of the box and picked up Peter's coffin.
They buried Peter on the hole he digged. The hole was just big enough to be the fish's final resting place. He placed the box there.Jamie helped him cover up the hole. "Can you say a few words, please" the girl requested. He wanted to laugh again. He has never presided over a funeral before, and a fish's at that.
Still he said, "To Peter, who have joined his creator. You have been a great friend and will be greatly missed."He heard little Jamie sob. He was glad there was nobody else at home. That speech could have won him a lot of attention for days.Attention that would include name calling and laughing.
"Now that, that's over let's go wash up." He held the girl by the hand and led her towards the house.
"The box," Jamie said, losing free of his grip and picked it up from where she left it a few moments ago."How are we going to open it?" she inquired. This time it was she who took his hand and led him towards the house.
"It's easy to pick, I think," he answered. It wasn't a complicated lock. A handy screw driver or a hammer may do. He saw something sparkle in the child's eye. Poor Peter, already forgotten. Maybe everyone of us likes mystery in one form or another. Puzzles, detective stories and the like. We like to be intrigued. We like our minds to be challenged.
"How long will it take?" There was excitement on her voice. So much like when she's about to open her presents during Christmas or her birthday.
"Not long," Stephen answered.
>>to be continued
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Time Capsule Part 1
"Can you dig me a hole in the garden?" That small voice was followed by a persistent shaking of his limbs.
"What?" he asked, now half awake. He didn't realize he fell asleep on the couch until his niece woke him up.
"Please Tito,"the little girl pleaded and stroked his hair with her little hands. Even he could not resist that cuteness.
"What do you need a hole for?"he asked, sat up and put the child on his lap.
"Peter went to heaven. He needs a funeral." Her voice was sad, she was holding back her tears. Maybe all kids get sad when their pets die but this one wants her uncle to dig a hole in the garden to bury a goldfish.Stephen was tempted to ask her to just flush Peter down the toilet. It would both save them some time and effort.
And what is this 'went to heaven thing' and Peter, what a funny name to give a fish. He looked at Jamie on his lap, waiting for his answer. He swallowed those words. It would only break the kid's already broken heart. Her dad gave Peter as a birthday gift and she has took care of him well, but all life has got to end. That is a reality. A friend of his once told him, that a person can grasp the meaning of death easier if he or she had pets as a kid. "Okay, let's get a trowel."
The garden isn't a real one. It's just a piece of land in front of the porch that has a lot of weeds growing in it. They just moved to this house and nobody has the time nor the heart to start gardening. Celine, his sister and Jamie's mom, never had a green thumb anyway. He couldn't expect Lander, his brother-in-law, who was always away on a business trip, to care about plants.There are still a few santan bushes but maybe once upon a time, that garden was filled with orchids or roses or other flowering things.
"Where do you want a hole?" he asked Jamie. The kid was now carrying a chocolate box. It's her childish version of a coffin. He smiled and thought that it is a long time ago when he was a kid himself.
"Anywhere, just make it deep, please," Jamie requested.
"All right. I'll dig here near the bushes so that you'll know where to visit Peter," he answered and almost broke into laughter. He wanted to laugh at himself for playing along with his niece.
He had to wet the soil before he could start digging. It was easy, they had a garden hose. Lander bought the property just a few months back and they just moved in two weeks ago but maybe nobody has lived in that house for years. He started digging and smelled the freshly turned earth. He almost forgot what it smelled like. He dug a hole that he thought would fit the box. Jamie wouldn't want Peter to be buried without his coffin,she was watching the whole time.
I'll just pretened I'm digging a treasure, he thought. After few scoops, the trowel struck something hard. He thought it was a rock. He tried to pull it out. It came out easy, with very little resistance. "What is it Tito?" Jamie asked.
"It's a box." he answered and thought:"Did a little girl used to live here a long time ago? And did she bury her dead gold fish on the same spot Jamie will bury Peter?"
>>to be continued
"What?" he asked, now half awake. He didn't realize he fell asleep on the couch until his niece woke him up.
"Please Tito,"the little girl pleaded and stroked his hair with her little hands. Even he could not resist that cuteness.
"What do you need a hole for?"he asked, sat up and put the child on his lap.
"Peter went to heaven. He needs a funeral." Her voice was sad, she was holding back her tears. Maybe all kids get sad when their pets die but this one wants her uncle to dig a hole in the garden to bury a goldfish.Stephen was tempted to ask her to just flush Peter down the toilet. It would both save them some time and effort.
And what is this 'went to heaven thing' and Peter, what a funny name to give a fish. He looked at Jamie on his lap, waiting for his answer. He swallowed those words. It would only break the kid's already broken heart. Her dad gave Peter as a birthday gift and she has took care of him well, but all life has got to end. That is a reality. A friend of his once told him, that a person can grasp the meaning of death easier if he or she had pets as a kid. "Okay, let's get a trowel."
The garden isn't a real one. It's just a piece of land in front of the porch that has a lot of weeds growing in it. They just moved to this house and nobody has the time nor the heart to start gardening. Celine, his sister and Jamie's mom, never had a green thumb anyway. He couldn't expect Lander, his brother-in-law, who was always away on a business trip, to care about plants.There are still a few santan bushes but maybe once upon a time, that garden was filled with orchids or roses or other flowering things.
"Where do you want a hole?" he asked Jamie. The kid was now carrying a chocolate box. It's her childish version of a coffin. He smiled and thought that it is a long time ago when he was a kid himself.
"Anywhere, just make it deep, please," Jamie requested.
"All right. I'll dig here near the bushes so that you'll know where to visit Peter," he answered and almost broke into laughter. He wanted to laugh at himself for playing along with his niece.
He had to wet the soil before he could start digging. It was easy, they had a garden hose. Lander bought the property just a few months back and they just moved in two weeks ago but maybe nobody has lived in that house for years. He started digging and smelled the freshly turned earth. He almost forgot what it smelled like. He dug a hole that he thought would fit the box. Jamie wouldn't want Peter to be buried without his coffin,she was watching the whole time.
I'll just pretened I'm digging a treasure, he thought. After few scoops, the trowel struck something hard. He thought it was a rock. He tried to pull it out. It came out easy, with very little resistance. "What is it Tito?" Jamie asked.
"It's a box." he answered and thought:"Did a little girl used to live here a long time ago? And did she bury her dead gold fish on the same spot Jamie will bury Peter?"
>>to be continued
Barbie Bride
"Have you ever owned a Ken doll?" She laughed at the question. What did it have to do with her current predicament anyway.
"That's really your plan, then," she said then shipped her now-cold coffee. "To bring me out here and ask if I ever owned a Ken doll".
He smiled back, sipped some coffee himself. "Most parents buy little girls Barbie dolls in wedding dresses, but not a lot buy a groom to go with it."
She paused, didn't know what else to say. Yes, she remembered having a Barbie doll in a wedding dress. That pretty little doll and her doll house and her top-down car and all her pink thngs. Yes, she remembers that. At age five, she found out that people get married, and at that same age, she feared growing old alone. The fear often accompanied by nightmares of an old version of herself, sitting on a rocking chair, all alone and lifeless.
How could a person like this know of such things. She technically just met him; him and all the weird stuff about him. "Let's stop talking about dolls,shall we?"
"That's really your plan, then," she said then shipped her now-cold coffee. "To bring me out here and ask if I ever owned a Ken doll".
He smiled back, sipped some coffee himself. "Most parents buy little girls Barbie dolls in wedding dresses, but not a lot buy a groom to go with it."
She paused, didn't know what else to say. Yes, she remembered having a Barbie doll in a wedding dress. That pretty little doll and her doll house and her top-down car and all her pink thngs. Yes, she remembers that. At age five, she found out that people get married, and at that same age, she feared growing old alone. The fear often accompanied by nightmares of an old version of herself, sitting on a rocking chair, all alone and lifeless.
How could a person like this know of such things. She technically just met him; him and all the weird stuff about him. "Let's stop talking about dolls,shall we?"
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